Year of the Door

Lots of things happened this past year. I just re-read some of what I wrote a year ago today, and have been reflecting on how I have grown. What made the year most memorable for me is that I turned a half century.

I will remember 2007 as my Year of the Door. For 83 days I prepared myself through a journey of daily reflection, and what a rich experience that was. I moved through my midlife passage like through a door, with great mindfulness, and was reborn at 50! As a Zen saying goes, "the mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced."

Yesteryear was good. Today is new. Next year will come tomorrow, and I find myself living forward. I am once again in Ubud, Bali this week, enjoying its rustic charm and the friendliness of its people. “It is truly a global village,” remarked Mark Ulyseas, the Indian local correspondent of the Bali Times, when we enjoyed live jazz last night at the local “As One” hangout. The place was filled with international and local residents from all over the world, and new contacts were made easily.

During a break, Mark and I walked over to the guest keyboard player who had jammed with the band, and I told him how I had appreciated his music. He turned out to be an American from Los Angeles, visiting Ubud for the umptieth time with his Dutch–Dominican girlfriend. There were many Japanese guests too, as the owner of As One is a Japanese painter, and his wife is a virtuoso soprano saxophonist who leads the band twice a week.

When I turned 50 earlier this year, I decided to buy a block of land here in Ubud and make it my home after some years. The process of registering the land is now almost complete, and over the past few days I have made arrangements to start construction of the access road. The previous owner has already used part of my money to build a new shop house, and his new property is now an easy landmark on the main village artery to find the turn-off into the private road that will lead to my Ubud home 50 meters inside.

I also contacted three local architects to visit the land and make proposals for developing my Ubud home project in a manner that blends into the natural environment of the surrounding forest and the terraces sloping down to the small river deep below. I actually climbed down to the river this time, and was rather painfully reminded of that journey for two days by aching thighs.

When I bid farewell to 2007 tonight, I will do so with a big smile, as I gratefully remember the palette of opportunities it offered me, many of which I was able to take action on.

I saw the door and appreciated all it stood for as I walked through it into the next phase of my life. I cannot think of a better accomplishment. It was the highlight of my year.

Photograph: Balinese door symbolizing my rebirth at 50 (top), and the location where the access road to my Ubud home will start (bottom).

Silence is golden

“How about just facing up to the void? … Each of us contains something within us that is unknown, but which, when it surfaces, is capable of producing miracles.”

Paulo Coelho in The Witch of Portobello

The gingko leaves turned a blazing gold against the autumn sunlight, and masses of people, mostly in beautiful and trendy attire, thronged the streets on the way to their destinations.

The sights in this megapolis never fail to amaze me, with so many people on the move, constantly. I watch them with interest, and then they fade out of my sight, never to be seen again, like flowing river water that never stays in one place.

It reminds me that everything changes, that my mind creates illusions of permanence where there is none. When will I grasp this? I do so as I write, and a warming smile follows uncontrollably. There are no prisons, only my mind’s fixations, and life to be lived forward.

I visualize waves rolling through me, without end, ever beautiful in their revolving chaos. Like chocolate, only taking on form temporarily, for the purpose of being admired and consumed, and then to melt again, into energy, then into no-thingness. My luck knows no end, it simply is, and evolves.

This forbidding city of concrete cubes, straight steel, and reflecting glass amazes me by its people and creative energy. Any visitor can join the experience to float on the surface of its sea of life. Street signs are bilingual, so getting lost is hard, and going with the flow is easy when you adapt to it, with so much to see.

In One Continuous Mistake – Four Noble Truths for Writers, Gail Sher challenged her readers to “find a way to describe five different silences precisely”, and “within each of five clamorous settings filter out the silent core and articulate its nature.”

As I listened to customer chatter and the repeated exclamations by Starbucks baristas to their incoming and outgoing guests, it came as a shock that I could find silence in myself, indestructible it seemed, like soundless water flowing over a weathered rock.

And as I met my silence, I smiled, at no one in particular, feeling quite at home among my fellow citizens in a store so brightly decorated for Christmas.


Seeking out silence, I felt like I was facing up to the swirling void inside and around me, knowing that miracles are calling out to be born, like shining stars appearing in a dark December night.

Photo: Golden gingko tree (top) and Tokyo’s skyline surrounding the Imperial Palace (bottom).

Unfolding powers

"The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers."

Erich Fromm

"Art is beauty plus pity."

Vladimir Nabokov


I have known for some time that wisdom grows when I entertain doubt, uncertainty and confusion. When I am filled with knowledge and certainty, there is simply no space left to gain new insights and see the dots in the universe around me connecting. Being uncertain opens me up to question, to search for meaning, as Erich Fromm said.

In a cyclical process, I find that I can move forward after I question, search, listen, and see dots connecting. And then it is time to start all over again. Yesterday’s wisdom is rarely adequate to start the new day. It’s an attitude of continuous questioning that helps me. Cultivating a beginner’s mind, said Shunryu Suzuki, the wise Zen teacher in San Francisco.

In another way, however, I find that uncertainty works the opposite for me. It blocks me from what I want to do. I end up feeling powerless when I cannot decide, and uncertainty makes it easier for me to procrastinate. When I end up with inaction, I feel trapped doing little where I should have done a lot.

In the past days, I have struggled to act on my intention to get up an hour earlier, just before the crack of dawn. It is proving to be a great challenge. There is something that has blocked me so far, and with each sounding of the alarm, I end up snoozing it again in my uncertainty about getting up. This puzzles me, and I have yet to see my powers unfolding to deal with this straightforward challenge. I have already reflected that I need to be fired up with passion to adopt the new habit.

For me, passion means that I don’t want to miss out on something I treasure. In the past I felt passionate about playing golf and I did not mind getting up early for that. Nowadays I count myself lucky to be passionate for my work, and I have no trouble getting up early to get to the airport in time for an early flight. And of course passion for my significant other could also make me do new and unusual things.

It dawns on me that my solution lies in being aware and making choices. My grand intentions will get realized step by step. Like art holds beauty and pity, each of my moments holds a promise of both action and inaction, which live side by side. I can find inspiration in the words of other life travelers, and emulate their steps, as I need all the inspiration I can find.

The big picture around me is always changing, like clouds in the sky. Every day needs a new start, as I untangle the challenges of uncertainty and my snoozing alarm.

Photograph: Untangling a web, at Métissages, A Crossbreeding of Contemporary Art and Textiles, exhibition in the National Museum, Jakarta.

Sprinkling stardust

When Victoria opened the cloth placed in her hand there was only dust, not the star she had asked her boyfriend to bring her as proof of his love.

To find the star, Tristan had passed through the opening in the village wall into the unseen world where extraordinary magic was the staple food of everyday life.

When he came back to his girlfriend to set her free of their earlier vow, he was a changed man. He had fallen in love with a true star.

The movie kept my daughter’s eyes glued to the screen while she munched her popcorn quietly.

Crossing the walls between us and magic is easy to do for children, and for the boy in me, if only I allow myself to explore that realm on a daily basis.

The stories I bring back seem like dust, but through my own tranformation, I can sprinkle magical stardust whenever I like.

Photograph: From tears to art, at Métissages, A Crossbreeding of Contemporary Art and Textiles, exhibition in the National Museum, Jakarta.

Not what it seems

I liked the apartment, which had been renovated with cool furnishings that created a zen-like atmosphere. The broker said she knew the owner … and later I heard from another broker that it was her own apartment.

I was also shown several other attractive places … and it turned out that they had been taken already.

The soy cappuccino was frothy and smooth to the taste. The Starbucks barista had smiled like there was no tomorrow… and I had to repeat my order three times … and I received way too much change … and my friend was served a drink he hadn’t ordered.

Reality is different for each one of us, and everyone interprets it in their own way. And besides, the more I think I know reality, I realize that I don’t.

On that day that everything turned out differently, I felt as if I could see the world around me with new eyes … and that was probably an illusion too. But I felt lucky anyway.

Photograph: Unusual blouse at Métissages, A Crossbreeding of Contemporary Art and Textiles, exhibition in the National Museum, Jakarta.

Half step forward, a civilized stride

It was still early morning when I entered the restroom in the brand new airport of Jinan in China’s Shandong Province. I had arrived at 6 am to catch the 8 am flight to Hong Kong and found the airport still closed. For the first time in my life I saw an airport’s morning ritual of staff and travelers arriving and counters opening.

By 7 am I was through check-in and immigration, and found a coffee shop where I enjoyed a cup of “Minded Coffee”. It helped me with waking up. And then, when I visited the restroom before boarding, I saw another example of unusual English usage that broadened my horizon. "To preceding half step A civilized stride". The meaning was clear enough, even if the English was not. A half step forward goes a long way in maintaining cleanliness in that public place, so it is a step forward for civilization.

And as I did what was requested, it occurred to me that taking a half step forward can make a difference in other situations too. For me, it is often challenging to take that first small step to get me going in my journey to improve “civilization” in myself and my surroundings. The same challenge, time after time.

Photographs: Coffee (top) and restroom request (bottom) at Jinan international airport, Shandong Province, China.

On my nose

“Zen is like looking for the spectacles that are sitting on your nose.”
D. T. Suzuki

I remained silent as I listened to Ubud’s awakening. Purring motorcycles made their way through another splendid morning. Villas stood unmoving amidst the green. Birds sang to each other. Pink frangipani welcomed the morning freshness. The sun spread its rays for all. I remained quiet, savoring it all.

During my five days in Bali, one of the places I visited was Goa Gajah, a centuries old cave where the first kings of Bali came to meditate in alcoves hewn from the rock face. I found it full of positive energy, surrounded by ancient trees and a water temple where the spouts do not run dry. Ruins of a Buddhist vihara destroyed in an earthquake in 1917 strewn in a river bed. The community was finalizing preparations for the annual visit by the gods during the temple’s Odalan festival.
















A guide shared the history of the temple, and his personal history. A devout Hindu, he saw himself as the reincarnation of a temple abbot in the Java’s Majapahit era. For twelve years, he said, he allowed himself to be accompanied by a guardian from the “other world” with powers to make his wishes come true. In 2005, he broke the connection as he realized that he could move forward without such help. When he doesn’t guide visitors, he works as cook in the temple kitchen.

I found Bali full of contradictions and surprises. After days of enjoying the rustic rural charm of Ubud’s environs, spending a night in the rapidly expanding urban centers close to the airport seemed chaotic. Yet I also saw that temple festivals remain prominent in both rural areas and in the city. And I was told that Balinese people might spend as much as half of their income on temple festivals that are organized by their community. When dining in La Lucciola restaurant in trendy Seminyak (the Yak), I saw lots of devotees at the Odalan festival of the temple next door, praying on the beach.













Back at home, I marveled at life’s lessons from all around me. Open doors and windows bring a variety of smells of life, some pleasant, some not. Yet they all remind me how extraordinary life is. I think I found the glasses that Suzuki sensei was referring to.

Photographs: Temple guide (top) and meditation cave (middle) at Goa Gajah, and Odalan procession (bottom) in Ubud, Bali.

Forgot to laugh

They slipped out of my life.

Walking back with a friend from lunch break yesterday, I wondered out loud why I haven’t laughed much in the past months. As I thought about it, I smiled, and my smile turned into a laugh easily. My lunch mate laughed too. What happened to the activities that made me happy before?

Playing music and writing help me to feel good and relax. Sharing time with good friends does too. I should make them a part of my life again, schedule them to make sure they happen. Knowing what makes me happy is not enough, it’s the doing that matters. Do it!

But do I really need do to something to be happy? I can slip into happiness without reason, from the inside out, from knowing that I am walking my personal journey, that everything is going to work out, and that I am surrounded by positive energy I can tap. Sounds good, but do it!

Do I need to go back to activities that made me happy earlier, or try new things? That does not seem important. I don’t feel bored with nice activities that I like up till now. And I know that I can always explore new things. But it’s fine to return to activities I like, and make them a regular part of my life. Do it!

Or do I need to buy new things to be happy? Well, I have been wondering about buying an iPod recently, especially after Apple sliced the prices in half. The new models look great, and even the old ones. I like the idea of carrying a wide range of music to suit my moods, in a “form” that fits any of my pockets, but with enough memory to forget it has a limit.

Anyway, I am happy as I am and with what I have. More possessions won’t make a difference. Except, I admit, I keep buying books, and they keep enriching my life. I enjoy browsing, buying, reading, and digesting books. Keep doing it!

So on the whole, about laughter and happiness, it’s remembering to do it that matters most for me. I’ll be it, do it, and schedule it if a week passes by without it.

As for today, I decided to join band practice and enjoy playing sax and listening to the others.

Photograph: HAPPY CHAOS BE MY GOVERNMENT - pavement art at Federation Square, Melbourne.

Temporary art

It was marvelous, the way she was engrossed in her art. Right there on the pavement, on the river bank, as residents and tourists walked by. Some even walked over the works made by fellow artists on the same path.

A place full of creative expression and impression, that’s what I thought. I’m talking about the South bank along Melbourne’s Yarra river. You meet sidewalk artists, and throngs of people visiting Victoria’s National Gallery, where the Guggenheim collection of modern are is on display. And just across the bridge, Federation Square features continuous gatherings of artists, musicians, and their audience.

People come to see, and be seen, for art, dining, drinking, shopping, and sports, which are all located along the river banks in this vibrant city. Not long ago, though, decrepit dockland buildings stood here, and the river was a polluted sewer, like most rivers still are in Asia. Until Melbourne’s residents started to embrace their river, and the river banks turned into prime property. What a nice thing to make happen.

I saw the same development in Brisbane, where citizens tore out the old docklands and replaced them with public facilities like galleries, convention center, state library, lots of eateries, and pathways for skaters, lovers, and just about anybody. Citizens now refer to the river as the city’s life blood.

In Melbourne, I cruised the Yarra river, visited its vineyards, including Yering Station, Victoria’s first, and drank plenty of nice white and red wines. After stretching my mind watching Guggenheim’s art collection, I lay down on a carpeted section of the museum to admire the stained glass windows in the ceiling. And an hour later I lay down on the grassy banks of the Yarra river under a gum tree (one of the hundreds of species of Eucalyptus), looking upward in space.

All this I did in the company of good friends, who treated me like only good friends will, and expanded my understanding of friendship in the process. With a friend, it’s so inspiring and easy to make nice things happen. And when you part ways, you know the coming together was good. Like an artwork on the pavement, an offering was made with trust into the future. It may seem temporary, but it lasts in the eye of the beholder.

Photograph: Art on the pavement (top), and Melbourne by the Yarra River (bottom).

Mind your references

I read Robin Sharma this morning about the importance of having positive reference points. “Doors you never knew existed will begin to open,” he wrote. On the other hand, he continued “Often, we have weak reference points so we see the limitations of a scenario rather than the opportunities.”

So true, I thought. Right now, I need a positive male reference point who looks slim and athletic. I have been gaining weight over the past weeks, and it’s high time to shed some and return to the shape I feel happy in. Fortunately I know how to do that, and I’ve done it before. I can manage my weight, not by eating less, but by selecting what I eat. Eat yourself slim, à la Michel Montignac. So actually, I could be my own reference point this time around.

Although I have been posting less frequently on this blog, and feeling the poorer for it, I have continued my soul journey and learned a lot. And while I think it should not matter so much where I am, I found that it actually does. Traveling influences my inner journey. Just after returning from holiday with my kids in Holland and England, I flew back to Europe, to Stockholm this time, and stayed there for a week.

The center of Stockholm in summer is a great place for walking, and I did plenty of it, alone and more often with friends. Evenings spent walking in the old city and looking for a place to eat were especially memorable. There were times I wished I had brought my sax to play in the street, with a hat on the floor.

A few days after returning to Manila my next destination brought me forward to Singapore and Jakarta. During this trip, I thought a lot about my work as a passion. I love to see the bigger picture in the work I do, and I discovered that this is my calling. I also mused about “quality” and enjoyed reading how Robert Pirsig discovered its central importance in our lives when he wrote his classic Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

A friendly Indian professor remarked to me in Singapore that he realized the meaning of “quality” when a variety of smells filled his hotel room after he turned off the aircon which was too cold for him. Quality is about the care given to make things work well. Quality is made behind the scenes, in heart and mind. When it becomes a shared value among people working together, it will show up in the product or service they deliver. If we pay attention, we can observe the importance of quality as Robert Pirsig did, and it gives us new positive reference points to live by.

Sharma mentioned Lance Armstrong, his father and mother, Richard Branson, Madonna and Peter Drucker as some of his positive reference points, and most of all Mick Jagger who still captivates audiences by strutting on stage in live concerts at the mature age of 62. Other people might feel the end of their life approaching at that age. As Sharma said, it all comes down to choosing our reference points.

Photograph: New houses in Jakarta – is walled security or Polly Pocket design their reference point?

Believe the impossible

When Alice said in Wonderland that there is no use in trying to believe impossible things, the Queen responded “I daresay you haven’t had much practice. When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Self-help bookshelves are full of titles about making dreams come true, and we spend much of our time trying to believe incredible things. In reflection of that, a cartoon movie The Incredibles became a box office hit not long ago. We believe in the fiction, romance, and anime stories we watch and read, and sometimes we get inspired by them. Yet like Alice it is all too easy to shrink back from believing in impossible things taking place in our own lives.

Rhonda Byrne and her friends explain in The Secret that it is not enough to think about what we want in our lives. For the law of attraction to work in our advantage, we need to believe in our dreams, to visualize them, and to feel them. That is more than reading a book or watching a movie, but these can inspire us to make a start and see the dots in our life connecting.

I love to take books with me when I travel, and some of them invariably are about self-enrichment. I get inspired by reading books ― well, some of them ― and it works much faster than seeing a 90 minute film. Just a few pages will do. Books are a source of inspiration to me everyday and wherever I go, and I don’t mind carrying the extra kilos in my bag.

Taking a two-week break in Holland and England helped me to simplify my life and learn to enjoy every moment more. I saw nature’s art in the bark of an oak tree in front of my primary school, enjoyed walking my friend’s South African dog Whiskey in a chilly dark night, raced with dizzying speed through London in a double-decker bus on the way to the theatre, shared my daughter’s thrill to feed a sharp-beaked emu from her open hand, danced to the beat of the Blue Man Group, and marveled at the sight of an English couple taking their new-born baby to the pub.

And, of course, I bought more books, including The Discovery of Heaven by Harry Mulisch, his best work according to the critics. I look forward to reading it.

I also received life lessons about friendship, going the extra mile, and about someone’s daily struggle with a fading determination to live when blessed old age seems to come with ever more weakness and fatigue. The time comes when we have to allow the souls of our elders to pass on, with our warmest wishes, and with an assurance that they and we “will be fine.” And yet, every day may bring unforeseen blessings, and who knows when our time of passing will arrive? I was reminded of Jim Paredes’ counsel to live every day as if it were our last.

Life is truly miraculous when we awake to believe the impossible, before or after breakfast!

Photograph: Feeding an Emu.

Sideways

Think sideways!
Edward de Bono

The past weeks saw me visiting Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, and Jakarta. I got to know people better in these three cities, and learned about their cultures and ways of getting things done. Malaysian friends explained me their love for bright colors and appreciation for form and decorum. Singaporean friends showed me how they achieve results through commitment and good relationships. And Indonesian friends demonstrated how each person’s view is taken into account, with care to find solutions together. I enjoyed being immersed in this kaleidoscope of cultures.

I also clocked lots of mileage on my soul journey and wrote page after page on the inner wall of my awareness. Meanwhile, my blog space remained quietly untouched. The direction of my musings was sideways and across my life. And I found that the way forward became clearer as a result.

Sending an SMS to the “wrong” person made me wonder if there is such a thing as a wrong address. We are all connected. Everything I write should be readable to all. And it often is, through myself or others. Every email and SMS is a packet of energy, easily shared with others. Sending positive energy helps us all. As for other energies, there is no need to send it anywhere.

Knowing how this works is to understand life’s biggest secret, which has been revealed in bookshops and television shows across the globe thanks to Rhonda Byrne and her team of empowerment gurus. The big Secret is the law of attraction. You invite into your life what you think and feel.

One of the books I read in the past weeks was Why Men Don’t Have A Clue & Women Always Need More Shoes by Allan and Barbara Pease. Appreciating the differences between women and men is fundamental to communicating and living well. I always try to keep the different perspectives in mind. So what did I learn from this book?

Nagging is a big problem for some, but not for me. I found that partners who are positively engaged in what they love to do have better things to do than nagging.

Women’s Top Secret Point-Scoring System – interesting and useful. Women score each activity separately, and give high scores to little attentions. Well, I knew that, but what is interesting to know is that women give men the same score for most activities (a “1”) regardless of how much work was involved.

I felt sad reading the chapter on retirement. Many men seem to get lost at that phase of their life. It is essential to plan for retirement early, so that “work” continues in a different form, and with it, the “recognition” that is so important to men. Living separately together is a formula for success for many, as many retired people find it hard to live together with their partner 24 x 7, and this is particularly true for women.

Yesterday I read Robin Sharma quoting Oliver Wendell Holmes “A mind once stretched by a new idea can never return to its original dimensions”. How true. Many ideas come to me through books. They are faithful companions on my journey. And they often take me sideways to a new point of view.

Photograph: Sideways in Beauty in Asia at Singapore's Asian Civilizations Museum.

Remember to dance

I met someone on my journey
sitting by the wayside
watching the pilgrims go by
Now he is writing again

Magnificent, that’s what I thought of yesterday’s performance of Coppelia and other dances by the students of Manila’s Claravall Institute of Dance. Their display of skill and costumes was dazzling. The lighting was a feast for the eyes too.

A man sitting behind me grumbled about the three-hour sit, and I wondered if he would prefer watching a long movie in stead, like Pirates of the Caribbean 3. For me, I would prefer the dance anytime. Watching people perform on stage is alive and magical.

Meanwhile, change keeps happening in my life, and I keep responding. When I lead a change, it is a profound experience. I pick myself up from the wayside. I reaffirm my will to live and write rather than to follow other people's whims and my own short-lived feelings. I prioritize what actions I will do. I allow myself to shine.

In the past weeks I traveled half the world and back. I lived forward and inspired myself and others. Yet my pen remained dry, as if to signal the need for change from within, from my private wellspring. Don’t rely on anyone, don’t consume from others, said my muse. Draw authenticity from within. And I remembered what I wrote with 51 days to go about my first arena:

“It is about being true to myself, to live in the now, from inside out, about laughing a lot, like a Zorba the Buddha who appreciates both the spiritual and the mundane planes and lives fully in both. It is about the ability to be happy in any moment, without dependence on others or any particular reason. It goes to the root of knowing my purpose for being in this life, and being happy about it. Maintaining good health and energy are part of experiencing success in this arena.”

“I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom”, Simone de Beauvoir wrote long ago.

“The freedom to dance and to change”, I thought.

Photographs: After dancing, the flowers (top). A change to look forward to (below).

Fit your feet

“It is up to you to choose the appropriate mandala for the way in which you want to develop… just like you choose shoes that fit your feet!” – Lama Yeshe

I return to the joys and agonies of writing.

My week was filled with communicating with others. I led a three-day workshop, and I spent most of the days and evenings writing an article in time for tomorrow’s deadline of submission. I had so little time left for other tasks that I wrote a monthly column from 11 pm to 2 am to deliver on my promise.

And, strangely, I still feel as if I have not written enough. I want to write more. Yesterday I read the Tigers in the Lowland chapter of Gail Sher’s One Continuous Mistake – Four Noble Truths for Writers. As always, her message didn’t fail to inspire me.

“Part of doing anything is creating an environment that supports it”, says Gail Sher. Aspiring writers are not exempted. She encourages writers to examine their environment. “As you hold writing at the forefront of your consciousness, your life increasingly will provide a context for that activity, not only containing but promoting and inspiring it.”

Every time I thought of my approaching deadline, I also thought of the opportunity to enjoy writing more. And I reminded myself of my choice to make it one of my life goals to become an accomplished writer.

Nothing else to do then but writing, with a glass of red wine in hand and humor in mind.

Photograph: Beauty in Asia, Asian Civilizations Museum, Singapore.

Cold pizza

I noticed the bright green T shirt in my peripheral vision, and I suddenly realized that he had been waiting patiently for me to finish. Music was reviving me as I stood listening to some discounted CDs in the music shop, with the earphones giving some relief against the driving bass coming from the PA system. While I waited for my youngest daughter to finish watching Pirates of the Caribbean 3, the unadulterated rock on The Cream of Eric Clapton made me forget everything, and then Lisa Loeb’s Stay made leaving difficult.

Music also revived me yesterday and made me forget the last week filled with hard work. I accompanied my oldest daughter in practicing with Teacher Perpy for the annual vocalist recital next month. My daughter did well, and we also practiced my contribution on sax. Last year I played tenor and alto, and this year I also get to play soprano sax to accompany some of the young vocalists. Perpy’s husband Peter, an accomplished vocalist in musicals and hymns, joined our practice yesterday and helped to tweak our delivery.

After going through Con Te Partiro (Time To Say Goodbye), When You Believe from The Prince of Egypt, Vincent’s Starry Starry Night, and Where Is Love from the musical Oliver, we found that we still couldn’t stop and ended up singing two of the other recital numbers just for fun, The Prayer and Ave Maria. These inspirational songs will touch my heart any time, and when I sing along I feel myself connecting to unnamed powers of the Universe, regardless of what religion is expressed in the lyrics.

Afterwards, loud thunder and heavy rain accompanied us as we ate a vegetarian pizza that had lost its warmth while we were under the spell of music.

As I made way for the music lover behind me and walked out of the shop with three albums for the price of one, Eric Clapton’s line came back to me, I can’t stand it, the fooling around with my heart.

I need music!


Photograph: Tazo green tea in my favorite mug.

Continuous learning

Everyone needs a coach, according to the life coaching motto.

That includes coaches, so I decided to take one too and selected Fiona Harrold, England’s best. I signed up with her and I am now guided by her book Be Your Own Life Coach. 30 minutes per day, I can do that.

Reading testimonials of people whose lives changed dramatically with Fiona's help took me by surprise. And a large mug of Tazo green tea made the exercises even more enjoyable.

Continuous learning is popular nowadays, and it was recently identified by the New York Times as the prime cause of living longer. My past week felt like a kaleidoscope of continuous learning. I studied about networking and collaboration. I learned a great deal from my kids.

I discovered new lessons in leadership, and in pain. I found out that Yellow Tail wine from Australia tastes… just to my liking. From friendship and quiz games, my knowledge of celebrities expanded. I rediscovered the magic of swimming underwater in the early morning.

I saw a friend taking steps to move forward in life to realize unfulfilled dreams, while another friend received a sought-after assignment from the highest authority in the land.

I felt the pressure of writing a column with a deadline, and realized the benefit of getting good last-minute advice. I read about a new type of position, a chief relationships officer.

I was stimulated by being surrounded by friends working on projects and writing papers at the same time, while a good friend was enjoying a break with cycling in France. I was inspired by colleagues in several talks about their projects.

I pondered more on leadership, what it is, and what it isn’t. I asked and received a change of tutor in my life coaching course. I helped my older daughter select a dress for a friend’s birthday party and walked with her in a mall while she was reading a book on Anne Boleyn’s sister.

I coached my younger daughter about reading her lines on life in ancient Sparta. I found out that I have longer breath in the afternoon when swimming the length of the pool under water.

What does this all add up to? No story, just my life.

Photograph: Variety in life – my daughter’s collection of guitar picks.

Morning laugh

Time spent laughing is time spent with the Gods
Japanese proverb


The morning is so fresh
it is perfect

I am reminded
how perfect the present moment is

There is no heaviness, guilt, or expectation
just opportunity

When I stop seeking my identity
in a world of forms
the essence of life comes
in a flash, totally pure

Nothing to do
it is just there

to enjoy
And I can only smile -
that is perfect too

Now I know
that laughing makes me

remember to smile

Life is whole, here and now
It takes silence to see this
to enter the moment -
light hearted, calm, magical

I keep writing
The mistake continues, to miss out
on the reason for existence -
suffering, sin, to miss the target
I am there
it is here

Words cannot describe, yet I write
Laughter reminds me
how wrong I am
Life is right here and now

Nothing to gain, nothing to loose
Yet everything is here
I straighten my spine
and Chi flows
Nothing is better

A sun ray touches my face as I write
and the foot of my young daughter
still asleep
Wholeness is here
I see it

A morning meditation
with eyes open and closed
in silence

I prefer the moment
over editing my lines
Touching the universe
over my To Do list

I hope no one dies
on this Philippine election day

Photograph: Morning rays

The Secret

Liberation is not deliverance.

Victor Hugo

Yesterday on the 5th of May my country celebrated the liberation from five years of occupation and oppression by Nazi Germany, now 62 years ago. In May 1945 American and Canadian tanks rolled into Dutch cities to a rousing welcome by people who had survived the winter eating little more than flower bulbs.

After the liberation, the wounds of war took a long time to heal. In a recent opinion poll, one in two people in Holland said that the two countries should work together more closely in the European Union. However, a large majority said they would now welcome Germans to join the national memorial day on May 4th. As Victor Hugo implied, the journey from liberation to deliverance can take some time.

Meanwhile, violence and oppression continue unabated in today’s world. Only a few days ago, soldiers in Iraq discovered a girls school under construction which had been booby trapped to cause carnage with an intent that was considered inconceivable until now. No day passes in that country without reports of further bombings that violently tear apart the fabric of society.

Across the Atlantic in the US, tales of carnage in schools also continue, yet the thirst for violence remains unquenched. The latest Hollywood product for family entertainment, Spiderman 3, is rated by the Motion Picture Association of America as PG 13 for its “sequences of intense action violence”. In the Philippines, the Movie and Television Classification Board rated the movie GP (for general patronage) without age limit, and when I watched it yesterday, even babies were admitted.

A reader from Africa blamed the editor of Newsweek this week for a negative article on Ban Ki-moon’s prospects as Secretary-General of the UN, saying that “you and George Bush are made from the same material: you find it easier to destroy than to build up.”

Watching Hollywood movies like Spiderman 3, destruction looks easy and spectacular, and the aftermath is made to look inconsequential to the stars shown to occupy the moral high ground.

Now switch your mind to another wavelength...

Simultaneous to what seems to be an unrelenting momentum for destruction, the world is also being touched by waves of positive energy at a scale never seen before.

Gurus and coaches, many of them American or resident in the US, abound with positive messages. The self-help or self-enrichment shelves of bookstores around the world are filled like never before.

Spirituality is making a “comeback” on a grand scale and in all colors of the rainbow. The blogosphere and other new avenues of communication are making a big contribution to this global “new age” movement.

The past weeks have witnessed a spectacular upsurge in global awareness of the need to counter the environmental destruction and climate change that are affecting the planet.

The remarkable news was about the growing consensus for action to be taken. Scientists and government officials have suddenly found more common ground for moving forward with action, and mindsets have changed in ways and on a scale that politicians can no longer afford to ignore.

In Spiderman 3, Peter Parker concludes that in the battle of good and bad, we always have a choice. Adversity can be overcome.

And two and a half thousand years ago, the Buddha told mankind to “be a lamp unto yourself” and he encouraged his followers to “work out your liberation with diligence.”

In the past few days, my daughter discovered the law of attraction from reading Rhonda Byrne’s book The Secret.

It’s about the power of positive thinking. According to Wikipedia, this law states that “you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your destiny”. That can work both ways.

That violence begets more violence seems clear. And in the dualistic nature of our world, violence seems to cling to liberation like a shadow. Even so, the world’s gurus and coaches keep reminding us that we can experience liberation when we release ourselves from aggression and fear inside.

In our daily struggle between good and bad, the choice to experience deliverance is ours, at a deeply personal level. Ask Peter Parker and the Dutch – they seem to have found some practical answers. Or read The Secret and focus on positive thinking.

Photograph: Flowering from the mud – one of the most widely circulated photographs in the world (Water Lilies, from Microsoft’s sample pictures)

As is Where is

"Only those who have awakened know that they were sleeping."

From: As is Where is - by Jim Paredes.

When the silence is golden, it is just silence. There is no obligation, no pressure to do something or to have something.

People who realize this will seek silence for its authenticity. They know that silence is the source of enlightened consciousness for everyone.

“This is the silence that is open and free”, says Jim Paredes in his new book As is Where is. “This is the truth of simply being, the silence that has no requirements.”

It is his third book, after Humming in My Universe, Between Blinks, and Writing on Water. Jim discovered silence through years of living consciously in the way of Zen, and has released his creative genius in ways that inspire many people to follow a similar path.

When I joined Jim’s creativity class more than three years ago, he asked us to release ourselves from media influence for two weeks (radio, tv, music, books). The result was immediate for all who complied with his request, as our creativity blossomed.

Jim writes about always being ready to experience life as it is. “The way to the unknown is the unknown”, he says, advising us to “throw away your old map. Only a new road will get you to a new destination.”

If there is anything constant in our lives, it is change. Yet we tend to believe that our spiritual journey is based on constant truths. Until we discover that our appreciation of truth also evolves as we grow in our experience. For one, we realize that we attract what we need to grow, including unexpected encounters with life’s paradoxes.

In the introduction to his new book, Jim writes about noticing a different feel to the topography of his own spiritual journey. Leaving the green and lush behind, he encounters “dried patches of a new, arid landscape”. He shares how it spurred his sense of being challenged to “explore new territories where God is hard to find, or is unlikely to be, but is in fact present.”

Jim keeps challenging us to live forward and let go of things that supported us yesterday. “It’s as if we are flipping a switch”, he says, “from sleep to full awakening.” Seeking out silence is an essential part of that daily journey.

As I write this, I feel encouraged to be awake. In fact, this Sunday morning feels to me like no other. Peace is here as I allow myself to enter its realm of silence. I feel better connected. Thank you, Jim!

Photographs: Jim Paredes' latest book, and the author.

After a pause...

My blogging hit a pause...

Life kisses our faces
every morning. Yet,
between morning and evening,
she laughs at our sorrows.

From: Love Letters in the Sand – by Khalil Gibran

Just like a year ago when I started blogging, a visit to Singapore’s art world gave me unforgettable pleasure. I visited the National Museum and the Asian Civilisations Museum this time, and I was mesmerized by their content, presentation, and housing. So uplifting to spend a day drifting through the galleries.

This evening a friend of many years observed that for as long as she knows me I have been interested in culture and art. While our kids practised guitar with their teacher, we enjoyed a life conversation over cappuccino served in cups from Ubud. And we agreed that life transitions should be taken as fun, not too serious.

My good friend whom I think of as Mr. I Can Do asked me to have our first life coaching session this week. What a nice challenge! And I just received my home study course for a diploma in life coaching this week. Now I realize how changes can knock on your door. I am learning to listen, and hear the knocks. I know where I want to go.

Tomorrow I will take a loan to pay for the block of land in Ubud, Bali. It is another big step on my life journey. And another case of change knocking on my door. I decided to open. After giving careful consideration to the financial matters, I am living forward.

And my daughter will read Khalil Gibran in her class.

Photograph: Beauty in Asia – the Asian Civilisations Museum on the Singapore River.

Milestone

As a lingering cough from an earlier cold turned into a full-blown throat infection last week, I had the pleasure of visiting an SOS medical clinic for the first time while traveling. I don’t like taking antibiotics, but there was no escape this time. Three days later, after many days of operating at 60% of my usual strength, the medication I received in Jakarta started showing results. During this time, I realized that days of sickness are a challenge to pratice the “better living habits” that I have adopted over the past years.

I woked up in Bali today, and the morning lived up to the reputation of this paradise isle. Apart from the fact that my cough had abated a bit compared to the previous days, the freshness of the morning and the scenery surrounding the small hotel in Ubud were stunning. Even after only one night there, I felt refreshed in body and spirit.

Yesterday was a milestone for me as I signed a letter of intent to acquire a piece of land about 20 minutes north of Ubud, with a view to settling there after retirement. The secluded block of land includes some ancient rice terraces at the top of a hill and slopes down into a valley with a small river. My real estate agent is still negotiating for me to lease a part of the neighbor’s rice terraces as well, to use as a garden. In Bali, leasing land is common.

I also used the opportunity of my overnight weekend visit to Bali to buy several attractive books on traditional and contemporary Balinese architecture to start me off with visualizing the house I intend to build there later on. And today I met a well-known Dutch architect living in Ubud who gave me further advice on build a suitable house on the block.

Now that my strength is returning from the weeks of cold and throat infection, I am happy to live forward again.

Photographs: View of the block from the lower terrace (top), and beautiful Ubud morning (bottom).

Good team

I spent yesterday with a close friend, talking about the changes in our lives. He was visiting Manila for a week, and it was good to catch up and compare notes. He is older than me, at least biologically, and I usually get some good advice. Yesterday was no exception.

He told me the story of a group of Harvard graduates who had been subjected to research about the success they achieved in their life after graduation. The message was that only two graduates of the group had set themselves goals, and that these two had achieved more than all the others put together.

So we took some time discussing life goals and the importance of taking action to achieve them. We discussed the elements of a life goals chart. Mission, vision and values at the top, together with dreams, and below that specific life goals, and under that the goals for 2007. And at the bottom the available resources and, importantly, the activities to drop and avoid from one’s life. Because, while we can do almost anything when we put our mind to it, we certainly can’t do everything.

Our range of topics also covered the benefits of early retirement, pursuing life-long education, doing business and reaching out to people, drinking good coffee, speeding up our computers, and living in Bali, a place he loves too. He gave me good advice about the piece of land I am considering. How to clear it, put in drainage, and start building in phases, beginning with a small pavilion that can serve to try out design and building materials, and can become (his) guest quarters later on.

All in all, it was a rewarding day. And when he texted me this morning from the airport “we make a good team”, I agreed. It is good when friends team up to help each other.

Photograph: My friend with a wallaby (top) and one of my actions this week: ordering a life coaching home-study course (bottom).