Year of the Door

Lots of things happened this past year. I just re-read some of what I wrote a year ago today, and have been reflecting on how I have grown. What made the year most memorable for me is that I turned a half century.

I will remember 2007 as my Year of the Door. For 83 days I prepared myself through a journey of daily reflection, and what a rich experience that was. I moved through my midlife passage like through a door, with great mindfulness, and was reborn at 50! As a Zen saying goes, "the mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced."

Yesteryear was good. Today is new. Next year will come tomorrow, and I find myself living forward. I am once again in Ubud, Bali this week, enjoying its rustic charm and the friendliness of its people. “It is truly a global village,” remarked Mark Ulyseas, the Indian local correspondent of the Bali Times, when we enjoyed live jazz last night at the local “As One” hangout. The place was filled with international and local residents from all over the world, and new contacts were made easily.

During a break, Mark and I walked over to the guest keyboard player who had jammed with the band, and I told him how I had appreciated his music. He turned out to be an American from Los Angeles, visiting Ubud for the umptieth time with his Dutch–Dominican girlfriend. There were many Japanese guests too, as the owner of As One is a Japanese painter, and his wife is a virtuoso soprano saxophonist who leads the band twice a week.

When I turned 50 earlier this year, I decided to buy a block of land here in Ubud and make it my home after some years. The process of registering the land is now almost complete, and over the past few days I have made arrangements to start construction of the access road. The previous owner has already used part of my money to build a new shop house, and his new property is now an easy landmark on the main village artery to find the turn-off into the private road that will lead to my Ubud home 50 meters inside.

I also contacted three local architects to visit the land and make proposals for developing my Ubud home project in a manner that blends into the natural environment of the surrounding forest and the terraces sloping down to the small river deep below. I actually climbed down to the river this time, and was rather painfully reminded of that journey for two days by aching thighs.

When I bid farewell to 2007 tonight, I will do so with a big smile, as I gratefully remember the palette of opportunities it offered me, many of which I was able to take action on.

I saw the door and appreciated all it stood for as I walked through it into the next phase of my life. I cannot think of a better accomplishment. It was the highlight of my year.

Photograph: Balinese door symbolizing my rebirth at 50 (top), and the location where the access road to my Ubud home will start (bottom).

Silence is golden

“How about just facing up to the void? … Each of us contains something within us that is unknown, but which, when it surfaces, is capable of producing miracles.”

Paulo Coelho in The Witch of Portobello

The gingko leaves turned a blazing gold against the autumn sunlight, and masses of people, mostly in beautiful and trendy attire, thronged the streets on the way to their destinations.

The sights in this megapolis never fail to amaze me, with so many people on the move, constantly. I watch them with interest, and then they fade out of my sight, never to be seen again, like flowing river water that never stays in one place.

It reminds me that everything changes, that my mind creates illusions of permanence where there is none. When will I grasp this? I do so as I write, and a warming smile follows uncontrollably. There are no prisons, only my mind’s fixations, and life to be lived forward.

I visualize waves rolling through me, without end, ever beautiful in their revolving chaos. Like chocolate, only taking on form temporarily, for the purpose of being admired and consumed, and then to melt again, into energy, then into no-thingness. My luck knows no end, it simply is, and evolves.

This forbidding city of concrete cubes, straight steel, and reflecting glass amazes me by its people and creative energy. Any visitor can join the experience to float on the surface of its sea of life. Street signs are bilingual, so getting lost is hard, and going with the flow is easy when you adapt to it, with so much to see.

In One Continuous Mistake – Four Noble Truths for Writers, Gail Sher challenged her readers to “find a way to describe five different silences precisely”, and “within each of five clamorous settings filter out the silent core and articulate its nature.”

As I listened to customer chatter and the repeated exclamations by Starbucks baristas to their incoming and outgoing guests, it came as a shock that I could find silence in myself, indestructible it seemed, like soundless water flowing over a weathered rock.

And as I met my silence, I smiled, at no one in particular, feeling quite at home among my fellow citizens in a store so brightly decorated for Christmas.


Seeking out silence, I felt like I was facing up to the swirling void inside and around me, knowing that miracles are calling out to be born, like shining stars appearing in a dark December night.

Photo: Golden gingko tree (top) and Tokyo’s skyline surrounding the Imperial Palace (bottom).