Orange in a Bowl

I miss writing tremendously. I can say that I feel sick from the lack of writing. It dawns on me that this is one illness that I don’t mind not recovering from. I don’t feel complete, because I have not followed through on my commitment to find time to write every day. Yet I don’t know what I am going to write. Just that the pressure has built up so much. After a busy day, it is so good to find peace and quiet to write, and that glass of red wine helps! Today three things came to me…

This morning, I realized that all the seeing, feeling, and experiencing things outside myself is actually an illusion, and illusion that is unavoidable when we use language, as Eckhart Tolle explains in Stillness Speaks. In truth, he says, we are not someone who sees, feels, thinks, or experiences, “but we are the awareness or consciousness in and by which those things appear.” Now I realize that seeking to know myself is a folly. We are, and I am that consciousness. All is whole in me. In Tolle’s words, there is nothing to know beyond that, and yet all knowing arises from it. He says “when you know who you truly are, there is an abiding sense of peace. You could call it joy, because that is what joy is: vibrantly alive peace. It is the joy of knowing yourself as the very life essence before life takes form. That is the joy of Being -- of being who you truly are.” I like that peace, that joy. I felt it today. When I reflect that everything I experience arises from me, from my source, life is a consequence, rather than something that leads me, excites me, or weighs on me from the outside. The key lies inside me.

A few days ago I had the good fortune to receive a beautiful photograph, printed by ink jet and framed nicely. I call it Bowl and Shard, and they are Chinese. The photograph was taken by my friend LF during a visit to Malaysia. The colors are vibrant, better than on the picture. I reflected that my life feels like a bowl, one that collects old and new things, occasionally gets cleaned, and I “eat” from it everyday. My bowl is deep blue, because my soul has great depth, so much so that I haven’t seen the bottom yet after almost half a century. So what is that orange shard doing there, what does it mean? Is it a symbol? Should I call Dr. Robert Langdon for advice on the meaning of this, for the code to decipher it? No, no need I think. My inner voice works just fine. I just have to listen to it more, and more attentively. Now, it tells me that something bright, yet damaged, has been placed in my bowl, in my life, as a temporary haven. It is a place for healing what is damaged. And the deep blue bowl also benefits from the bright orange, it needs that “kick”. By itself, it is deeply Yin, it needs the infusion of vibrancy to rise from lethargy.

Talking of orange, I took leave from work today and watched a skating event where my daughter received several medals. It was a joy to see her swirl in her first ever competition, so graceful and courageously moving forward. I am so happy for her, and I benefited as well, from watching and enjoying. And again it is the color orange that comes to mind. Orange does not blend easily with other colors. It stands out by itself. It doesn’t need any other color, really. It speaks of the sun, of energy, of vibrancy, of joyfulness. Not stationary, but always moving. It is truly a color of Life, perhaps that is why Buddhist monks also wear orange, because it symbolizes life and the way it should be lived. That brings me back to myself, to Me, to all that is within, which is my source of life. What I experienced outside arises from the consciousness within. I don’t really need anything from anybody, I am content to live my life, and to know that all I need is in Me, a deep blue bowl.

Concentrating on Frog

Back to Brian Tracy’s Eat that Frog. He quotes Galileo as having said that we cannot teach a person anything he does not already know; you can only bring what he knows to his awareness. I had a dose of this yesterday (no posting) and today, when I was reminded of the importance of concentrating single-mindedly on my most important task, to do it well, and to finish it completely. Tracy says I need to select the most important task every morning, the one that is most important, can have the most positive impact on my life, and that I am most likely to procrastinate on. Eat that frog! When there are two, choose the ugliest one…

I have read many books about time management and prioritizing work over the years, because I know this is important. And yet, when I read Tracy’s book, it resonated in me, and stimulated me to act on it. I realized that I already “know” everything that he writes about. But what good is knowledge if it is not put into action? My knowledge about time management had become dormant, and therefore useless, or dead.

Learning is about bringing what we instinctively already know into the open, into our consciousness, so that we can act. Acting is doing and completing (thank you, Brian Tracy). When I learn the “right” thing, it resonates in me. So learning is about resonating, so that it can become part of the present moment, to do it, to apply it. Eat that Frog teaches me to focus, concentrate on the essential things to do, and to complete them. I like the daily aspect of this. If a task will take more than one day, I want to break it down into parts and complete the part for each day, while being mindful of the whole.

I could practice this yesterday, and I found in my work what was the most essential, and I’m now working to complete it. I realize that paying undivided attention to the task will increase the quality of my work. Today I didn’t work but focused on activities I really wanted to do and complete. Like buying a bag for my work, which would have nice space for my notebook computer. I realized I need to pay more respect to my notebook computer by ensuring it is well cared for and carefully stowed when I carry it from office to home and when I travel. So I concentrated on finding a suitable bag, with a style that I like. And I did, and even got a free sleeve bag with it for protecting the notebook when I put it in my backpack during weekend use, just what I had been looking for.

I also focused more on finding a suitable compact digital camera to upgrade from my aging Sony DSC-P43 model. And I was successful when I saw the new Canon Ixus 800 IS, which immediately attracted me. Reading the first CNET review on the web this evening confirmed that this is the right choice for me, and I will buy it soon. Now I look forward to read more of Tracy’s book, since all I did so far was read the introduction, and applying that already generated good impact on my life these past two days.

Seeking or Being

Eckhart Tolle spoke to me today through his book Stillness Speaks that if I see myself as a seeker, I can expect to find self-realization only in the future. The amazing truth that Tolle shares with me is that I don’t have to seek, but just to discover Being.

If I think that I need time to find out who I am – a central paradigm for seekers – then that is exactly what will happen, it will take me time. Eckhart’s wisdom helps me to understand that the only place where I can truly find myself is in the Now, the present moment. There is no need to travel anywhere or wait for wisdom to come at some future time. What a relief!

But I’m still challenged (the mind will always find something to do that). It seems not easy to be and stay in the Now. Entering into the Now is not difficult for me, as long as I am mindful and aware of my situation. To enter Now, I drop all my concerns, return to stillness, let awareness arise, smile, and enter into Being. It takes only seconds.

Once there, however, the mind immediately fires broadsides at me to get me out of the Now. And it seems that Now itself is on the move continuously. Or is it me who moves? Being in the Now needs moment-to-moment awareness. The idea of staying in the Now makes no sense to me anymore.

So I just focus on being, on Being, like in a moving river, to be in it, and to be moved all the time by its changing currents. It reminds me of being like a strong bamboo, firm, yet flexibly bending with the winds, rarely still.

Early this morning I made this my task for the day, to be in the Now, with mindfulness. Ready to be moved by rivers, but not moving much myself, because I realize that Now is where all exists, all happens. Living outside the Now is to live in the past, in history, which is good for viewing and reminiscing, but not good enough for living because there is no more space to create. Or it is to live in the future, which is an illusion that is always at least a day away.

It takes me until evening to remember what I had set out to do in the morning - it is so easily forgotten. Practice makes perfect, and it is clear that I have a long way to go. And then the dots connect, and I realize that Being is better than Seeking.

Photograph: I want a clear, not blurred focus on Being in the Now, and to forget about time.

Focus and listen

I am happy with my blogging progress. I could add Site Meter, and Cbox to my blog. And I changed the settings to allow all readers to send comments. I hope it works! Today was a traveling day for me. I flew home to Manila from Jakarta. When traveling, I observe things I would not normally see. If I am awake and aware, that is. I changed planes in Singapore’s Changi airport, and browsed in two shops. In both shops, the attendants were keenly focused on helping me to make a choice.

From observing them, I learned how important, and how possible it is to concentrate on a task, on doing it in the Now. Not to allow distractions, and make sure to complete the task as best as possible. In neither case, by the way, did I buy what they offered. I was considering to buy a nice office bag in the second shop, black leather with spacious compartments for just about everything, including my notebook computer. The sales attendant did a good job in recommending me to buy it. She can be proud of how she did it, even though it did not lead to a sale.

For me, I try not to rush into buying things these days. I observe what wants to be bought by me. It is a new experience, and it is enjoyable. I see a lot of things that I could buy, but I also realize I already have so much. My need is actually not great. So I have come to practice “listening” to the product, or to my intuition about it. If I really need it and it’s the right thing for me to buy it, my intuition will tell me so. In today's case, I enjoyed watching the items and examining them, but I was not convinced they were the right ones to buy, so I did not.

Being born under the Pisces sign, you could say that I am probably indecisive. And you would be right. Making decisions is not my strong point. I always see so many sides to a question, so many choices, and my feelings are important to me in reaching a conclusion. That is why I welcome all the help I can get to improve my decision-making. A few days ago I bought a book Eat that Frog! by Brian Tracy, with 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time. For me, decision-making and procrastination are linked. I consider myself a champion procrastinator, and I am not happy with that. Now I committed myself to read this book, and to do what it says (more about this later).

I also realized that the greatest supporter and resource to help me make more and better decisions is Me. There is a voice in me that can guide me. My Inner Voice (IV), my intuition. I find it a very rewarding experience to listen to my IV. And today it told me not to buy what I was looking at, to just enjoy browsing it, and keep the option open for later. It was the right thing to do.

Listening to my IV is like paying close attention to myself. I could see the example of the sales attendant apply to myself in this way. It is good to focus on myself more, and to listen to my intuition, my IV. Not to respond to so many distractions, but to pay more attention to what is really important for me. To give it undivided attention. I wrote about this in my journal, which I do in long hand, with my beautiful burgundy Mont Blanc pen.

I love writing, both in the computer, as well as in long hand. Both have their attractions. Typing on my keyboard is fast, and allows lots of editing. On the other hand, writing in long hand gives me the sensation of flow, of the need to get it right in one go, of physical contact with the paper, and of the use of a beautiful writing instrument. Not for nothing is this pen called Meisterstűck (masterpiece).

Photograph: my journal and pen.

Deciding to Write

I decided today to become a writer. To devote regular time every day to writing. To be consistent in this practice. Not knowing in advance what I will end up with. To let writing flow. To let go of the river bank, and slide into the flow. To stick with it, to plod on. To be satisfied with it.

Gail Sher inspired me to take this huge step in her book One Continuous Mistake - Four Noble Truths for Writers. I have a beginner's mind about this decision, about practising. I know that writing is for me. I know that I get satisfaction from it, that in the process I become smaller, and the content greater. It's like a prayer, I start by realizing how small I am, and I let go of anything, to grow.

Today I am reminded of the importance of being positive. Why should we be otherwise? People seem to have many reasons for not being positive. Even when being positive, it may not always come across that way to others. Mindfulness helps. To be aware, of my own posture, poise, words. I really don't want to be anything else but positive. Is it boring? Isn't good and evil always with me? Sure, evil is with me, like a bag I carry slung on my shoulder, like the shadow that follows me. So isn't it natural to be negative sometimes? Probably, but I don't feel that way.

Certainly I feel low sometimes, even regularly. But I noticed that being positive is central to me now, and it seems to have taken root in me, sprouted branches and leaves. It feels nice, and just right. I can feel empty, sure, but usually I experience it positively. I am really happy with this, I love to create positive atmosphere, or just enjoy it without creating anything at all. I become aware that being positive is always there.

Like my Dao teacher said, we're all swimming in a pool of Chi, but we've closed ourselves to it. Energy is all around us, but we try to do everything by ourselves, without tapping into that vast resource. Life isn't really about creating many things, but by opening myself to it. Life is actually me. It's not something separate from me.

This is enough for me, to be able to open myself. Then to flow. To outflow to others, especially my loved ones. And to experience inflow, everything, but only focus on, and appreciate the good. Observe other things too, observe anything, and just drop what is not positive. Take note, and let it pass. Rejoice when something positive happens. And be awake to let positive things happen, every moment.

I am happy with this first posting, that it is about being positive. I love it. It's a good start of my writing practice. Live to be positive at heart...