No Moon

Crackers are going off everywhere to usher in the New Year!

Here in Manila they are peaceful, although it starts smelling like a war zone already at 10 pm.

In Bangkok seven bombs have interrupted the celebrations today.

In Baghdad and other cities in Iraq, people keep dying without need.

Sadly, violence continues to plague our world in many places. Humanity doesn’t seem to learn and move forward.

Thirty-four years ago my history teacher taught us in school that history showed that people don’t learn from history. Mahatma Gandhi said that the world has enough for everyone’s need but not for everyone’s greed.

A sad note… there is only one way forward, a much better way to greet the New Year. That is to reach inside us and let our best qualities shine and come out.

Let’s forget anger, greed, and envy, and make place for genuine happiness. The world will never become a better place unless we all do our bit, personally.

When I will lit off the fireworks in 2 hours time and wave sabers of sparkles with my daughter, it will be to celebrate all the good things that 2006 brought us, from within and from outside of us.

Today’s wine is a toast for the best to come out, now and in the new year!

Photograph: Drinking wine and being merry, let the best come out.

Natural clearing

Today I took a picture of a changed landscape. Typhoon Milenyo struck a few months back at the end of September, and reminded Manila residents about the force of nature.

Here are two photographs of the same place, one of my favorite Starbucks in town, the one in Rockwell. The first was taken before the typhoon, and the second one after (today, almost three months later).

The parking guard caught me by surprise today when he asked me if I had a permit to take pictures. Apparently they are more concerned now about the security of Starbucks establishments.

Weeping gently

I have neglected my dear Dao and Wine blog for over a week. I've been occupied posting daily for my temporary blog Reborn at 50, which marks the countdown of days until I make my half century.

My writing starts to flow better, and I'm very pleased with that. I enjoy writing every day a bit more. I am getting out of my slump. I am getting more and more ideas for new activities.

Last Sunday when I brought my daughter to her singing lesson in Yamaha music school, I was attracted to the electric guitars on display for the first time. And this evening when I was listening to the newly remastered Beatles album Love, and While My Guitar Gently Weeps came on, I just wanted to make that gentle weeping happen myself.

With several weeks off from work, I will make the most of being creative. Especially writing and music. Life seems like a mistake to me now without these two.

Photograph: The new Beatles album Love.

Keep writing

There is no doubt in my mind. The highlight of this year is that I discovered my passion for writing. I know I have much to learn to become a better writer and I like the challenge. Most important advice to myself: keep writing. Practice is fun, and it pushes me to open myself more to the unknown.

When I meet new people nowadays, I'm interested in their creativity more than anything else. Soon after introductions, I will find a way to ask them about their art, their music, their expression. Everyone likes this question, I noticed. Yet only a few people answer it readily.

At today's art exhibit of the Asia Society at the Filipinas Heritage Library, I found that I was drawn to art works that display something red. Probably my age. I used to like dark blue.


Photograph: Red Art, by The Drawing Room Contemporary Art

Poaching discovered

I have always thought that poaching eggs is a wrong way of preparing them. The idea of letting an egg slowly turn into a jelly-like watery substance turned me off, and for a long time I associated this quality with the way of life in England.

I like boiled eggs for breakfast when their yolk is still soft. I love fried eggs, sunny-side up, on toast or with fried rice. I cherish scrambled eggs, especially when they’re done light and creamy. I appreciate omelets, most of all with cheese.

I enjoy eating eggs as part of other dishes, like in Chinese brown sauce (khai palo), egg strips on top of fried rice (nasi goreng), whole eggs in spicy curry (telur belado) or prepared Balinese style. I also savor eggs served as a separate dish such as son-in-law eggs (khai look koey) or thousand-year-old eggs (khai yiew ma). For the latter, the rumor persists that fermentation is started by soaking them in horse urine, although Wikipedia contradicts this.

Compared with this multiversity of preparations, poaching to me seemed a method that is lost between cuisines, devoid of character, producing an egg that is neither here or there and misses out on the character of the other preparations.

A few weeks ago, I was having breakfast with an English friend in a 38th floor hotel lounge overlooking Jakarta. When he ordered poached eggs, I decided to give them another try. And I was surprised at the combination of soft yolk within its thin egg-white coating, on crispy toast, and flavored with a dash of salt and a generous sprinkling of black pepper.

The next day I ordered two poached eggs, only to find them smelling strangely. On return home, I decided to try my hand at making poached eggs, and consulted web pages for help. That is when I discovered that some experts advise adding vinegar to the hot water to help the egg stay together. That explained the funny taste.

To my delight, my first attempt produced a delicious poached egg dish, which I ate with relish.

Photograph: My first home-made poached egg

Oxygen tank

I laugh at myself, as I see me devouring so many books.

Last night and this morning, I was reading Gail Sheehy’s 498 page New Passages – Mapping Your Life Across Time. I am still reading, haven’t finished it, am not just dipping into it as I do with many American books, but really reading the parts that I can connect with.

Yesterday when I was entered a shopping mall parking garage, a sign greeted me with “30 Days to Christmas”. Today, I will put up a sign on the door of my den at home, saying “89 Days to Turning Fifty.” Actually, I am already turning fifty. I have been tuned to that frequency for quite a while now. I recognize the importance of this major milestone, and of the many things it signals. Change, for sure. Some things are no longer like they were. Mortality is knocking at the back door. Other things are getting better though. Great adventures lie ahead. I will keep writing about these.

From reading many pages of Sheehy’s book, I conclude that I am very normal. What I feel, and the way I am developing, is what many men feel at this passage of life. That’s actually reassuring. Especially since men don’t talk much with each other about the changes they go through at this stage of life.

I learned a few things. First, by living in the moment, I can loose sight of the longer transitions in my life. Good to climb in that helicopter every once in a while to get the bigger view. Second, what I didn’t realize is that the “slowdown” in men my age can result in a negative spiral. A cocktail of lower confidence, slower metabolism, slacker muscles, and less libido can lead to depression, to “losing it” altogether. Mental and physiological factors can combine to produce a nasty result.

Aerobic exercise is not a favorite pastime of mine. And I was content to find out from Peter D’Adamo’s book Eat Right 4 Your Type that people with my blood type A tend to get exhausted by aerobic exercise without gaining the benefit from it that other blood types do, especially type O. I felt vindicated about my preference for armchair explorations of the world. I naturally take more to gentle forms of exercise like golf, tai chi, swimming, and smiling.

My wake up call came from reading that I need more exercise to restore muscle mass. Of course that is exactly what my French doctor has been telling me for years. “Now that you have gained control of your body weight – I bravely lost 15 kg in six months a few years ago – make it your next victory to create an exercise habit,” he said. I know very well how physiology, mental health and general well-being are connected.
I realized this morning that I need my personal oxygen tank to traverse the passage into what Sheehy calls the Flaming Fifties. Exercise is one of the keys to unlock the door.

I restarted this morning.

Photographs: Sheehy’s book cover and my new door sign

Love writing

8 November

I love writing. I spent time wondering why I write. Is it because I honor my commitment to write? Because I think I have to? Because I want to produce something that others will read? Practice for writing a book? Or because I want to learn more about life, and about writing?

I found that I write because I love life. I want to experience this love of life fully. I yearn to meet eternity in each moment, to feel utterly connected without effort. I want to share this love with others without walls and conditions. I reach out to let my soul make love with the universe. When I write, I feel doors opening, and I experience feeling that love in my heart and through every pore of my body.

Photograph: Standing on art, Mulia Senayan Hotel, Jakarta

Flowing river

Today I started reading Paulo Coelho’s Like the Flowing River. His first story touched me. It is about three different times in his life, alike to three distinct movements in a symphony. He calls them “a lot of people”, “a few people”, and “almost no one”. I assume he replays these movements over and over again, like we do when we enjoy a particular piece of music. Last night my daughter played Beyoncé’s Crazy in Love, and I asked her to play it again two more times.

About Coelho, I start to relate to his movements, because I am realizing that writing is a solitary activity. I can’t always do it alone, though, and I regularly write in my favorite Starbucks. I also connected to Coelho’s reflections in his second story, where he described how he doubted if he should weed his garden or not. I liked that he reached a conclusion and could move forward. I have so many reflections in my life these past few years, and I look around a lot for guidance on how to take the next steps on my journey. The solution lies within me, I found out, but other people and their written words and songs help to connect me with the wisdom that lies inside me.

What I realized in the past days is that I have much going for me, but that my life flow gets blocked easily. The river of my life stagnates easily these days, doesn’t flow well. I wonder why this happens, and how I can unblock myself. Will I use dynamite to blast through rapids of unhealthy habits or blow up dams of self-doubt? Should I dredge my river bed of sediment and sludge from the past? Coelho finishes the story with a commitment to “attack the weeds I did not invite to grow in my garden.” And he concludes that “when something undesirable grows in my soul, I ask God to give me the same courage to mercilessly pluck it out.”

I am writing again.


Photograph: Coelho's book cover

Rebirth

I am back!
Rebirth
Totally new
No yesterday
This is the moment
A new start
Is it possible?
I am, so… yes!

I took a two-month break
I wrote my journal
While life events and pressures
Took their toll
Now I reclaim my place
Rebirth is a choice

My writing practice continues…


Photograph: Sprouting a new leaf, my verandah

Quality living

Time has passed since my last posting, and today I added many I wrote during the past few weeks. I returned to my home in the Philippines from vacation, and then traveled to Europe again to visit Sweden for work. I came back to my home in the Philippines again, and my body is still confused in the morning (how to get up) and in the night (how to get to sleep). I managed to get up rather early this Sunday morning – having a delicious double espresso helped to help me get started. My attractive retro-styled coffeemaker churned out a delicious if somewhat sour brew from two Nespresso capsules, one black Ristretto and one yellow Finezzo.

I enjoyed the company of several friends in the Nordic capital of Stockholm last week. A visit of contrasts, from a tiny hotel room in a designer hotel, to the wide-spaced city of waters and old buildings and passages filled with domestic and international tourists of all origins. Most of all, the visit reminded me of the importance of quality living. A colleague became a friend as he unwittingly showed me how to live life with high standards, intensity of purpose, and unceasing humor. Others I rarely meet because of distance demonstrated that friendships last and can deepen every time. Flowing wine added to the color and flavor of our meetings, amidst exuberant Stockholmers celebrating life in the street in the short span of their summer.

On the way back aboard the Thai jumbo, I unexpectedly found myself talking for hours with a seat mate about life, music, relationships, burning out, living in the present moment, and training dogs. I was empty of expectations for this return trip, and found that space was created for another traveler and me to share quality time and develop friendship.


Purple

Purple covers warm
souls exchanging unexpectedly –
Opportunities that knock brightly


Photographs: Stockholm waterfront, Modern boutique hotel

Less can be more

18 August. I cannot possess everything. The things I have are for my use and sharing. Mike George’s 2nd Aha! advises that I need nothing to be truly happy. If I have less, I can be more. Having less, and practicing detachment help to gain freedom from fear and from living in scarcity.

Paradoxes get life going: do less of this, gain more of that. If I can let go of more, more opportunities can show up, ideas to come, people to enter. In contrast, it seems that attachments lead to death, ending, stiffness, suffering. How to I relate to the things I have, to the people in my life?

Mike George advises to see myself as a trustee. My travel headphones, my car, my ideas, I don’t own them. They have been given to me in trust. To hold everything in trust, and let go when the moment comes to do so, brings true freedom. I can feel deep inside me that this is true. I will shift attachments to trusteeship. I don’t own anything, I can harness the energy and power of having “enough” as a trustee.

I write this as the day starts high up flying over Latvia, with a smile.

Photograph: Trust, Osho Zen Tarot

Hari Raya

17 August. I found a nice capuccino at Hari Raya’s. Located on top of Ninoy Aquino airport’s aged terminal, Hari Raya is a simple place that has catered to multitudes of people passing through. In contrast to their movement, some of the waiters have been there for a decade and more, and their service is always friendly and attentive. Departing on my recent trip to Sweden, I was surprised they could make a nice cappuccino, and I ordered a second one while writing in my journal. I lost sense of time until my colleague texted me from the airline lounge below if I planned on making the flight or not. I did, and that was the start of a nice journey together that taught me more about living life with quality.

Photograph: Home-made capuccino in a good friend's cup.

My way

I feel lucky to experience growth, awakening, parting, love, renewal. I need more energy from the inside. I do not depend on anything or anyone for how I feel. It is entirely from me, my initiative, my response. I can be happy no matter what. My red color is smooth. My path is ahead. I don’t know what’s on it. I will see, find out. Each moment has a middle way. I will find it. It is an enjoyable measured response or a choice. It’s part of finding my way. Uniquely my way.

Water

I keep growing
With love –
Refreshing water

Photograph: Singapore street decoration

Listening

Listening comes from being quiet. It is about opening, receptivity, forgetting about self. A true connection of dots, because nothing stands in the way. The art of listening is passive, with full being. Mike George advises to be more quiet, to speak slower, to speak softer. Fusion happens in quietness, internally. The world abounds with great words and noise. I set out to find my own source.

During my last trip, I realized that one of the most difficult things for me to achieve is to be my own best friend. I have to find my own innermost core by myself, the original, no copies. I don’t like everything I see on the way there. So I keep observing, and drop what I can. To go deeper. There is no guide, except myself and the Universe. It is a dark night, this journey. An intense fire of inquiry leads to the morning, the sunrise.

Osho remarked that everyone in history who has had the intensity of inquiry, will find the sunrise. I learn about choices, that it is best to drop everything for emptiness, no-thingness. Going with my heart, my inner voice. I am not split, I am whole, but it takes my own unique journey to realize this, deep into the core of my being.


Photograph: Beyond Illusion, Osho Zen Tarot

Quiet

Quiet comes from inside. To be has no activity; it is at state of non-action. But it is full, it has its own fullness. Being quiet is a conscious state. It is a choice, and a good one. It is the first of seven positive changes recommended by Mike George in his The 7 Aha!s of Highly Enlightened Souls.

I find that quietness is the source of creativity. But I wonder if creativity also needs chaos? How is creative chaos connected to quiet being? Or to a special sense of being connected – the dots – with the dots around us? I am into quietness now. I find that it is enough. My back straighter, not slumped, helps to conserve and circulate energy. Quietness is full. It really has power. The power of silence allows me to paint on my own canvas. It feels like glass, but not etched, just very smooth, and endless in size. A canvas to express my creativity. Very colorful and beyond the conventions of others, but it could reflect some of those.

Language of love and the heart… silence.


Photograph: Mike George's book

Buyers

8 August. Last night I met my high-school friend and we shared some of the developments in our lives. We had some similar experiences in the past years, and found that we have both learned to adopt a positive attitude towards living happily, no matter what happens. We talked over red wine (me) and bitter lemon (friend) about relationships, the never-ending topic. It turned out that we both like to be “buyers” in the relationship with our significant other, and that we have grown to that experience from being “renters” earlier.


Photograph: Willard Harvey's book on Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders

Blue

Today I was blue. It was the kind of low mood day where lifting my spirit seemed like the heaviest task. I severely scratched my rented car in a narrow parking garage. It took me a while to get over that emotionally! A cost of Euro 200 for liability was incurred in a second, and my pride was hurt for not being able to do better. Even before that, it was heavy. I had a frog to eat (task to finish) but did not get to it. So it keeps croaking in front of me.

Later in the afternoon the Universe kicked me to help me regain perspective. While shopping in the supermarket, I found myself surrounded by boisterous teenagers talking loudly about life in general and chicks in particular. I realized that life keeps moving, and it is up to me to throw myself into the flow. Then I ran into a shop selling the nice Linksys Skype phone which I have been eyeing, and I decided on the spot to buy it. A treat to myself on a blue day.

At night I took a walk to the railway station right in front of the apartment where I am staying. On entering the unusually clean building, I was surprised to see the hall taken over by dancers practicing the Tango. What a fantastic use of a railway station at 10:30 on a Friday night! And most of the dancers had left at home their unflattering casual attire which is so common in this country, and opted for fancy clothes and dancing shoes. After watching them for a while, I discovered that the station’s minimart was still open and found the eggs I needed for breakfast tomorrow.

Last Sunday I watched the show of the Blue Man Group in Boston. Several of their messages hit me, including the notion that a lot of time in life is spent on discharging things “away” from ourselves, which the Blue Men vividly depicted with a system of sewer pipes, which then became musical instruments. The Blue Men challenged the audience to be interactive, and to consume wisely. Connections are meant to be two-way. We need to get unplugged, in more ways than one.

They also showed how people sit in internet cafés talking to other people who are not there, and ignore the people sitting right next to them. I also liked their hilarious advice how to perform rock on stage. And the show ended dramatically with rolls of pseudo toilet paper being “waved” by the audience to the front of the stage, in a direct form of interaction and flow reversal. Audience participation in the show was great from beginning to end. To me it underlined the notion that we as dots can get better connected. It is up to us to see it and do it. It is the underlying concept of this blog too.

So after all, I recovered and started all over from scratch as I found that the Universe keeps vibrating around me.

PS: Blogger won't upload my pics, so they will come later!

Stepping out

I haven’t written for a few days, busy traveling to the other side of the world. I am now attending an ice-skating event in Boston where my daughter is competing. The event takes place in five rinks under one roof, in the New England Sports Center in Marlborough, a pleasant centuries-old town in a clean green landscape. The event brings together competitors, parents, friends, spectators, coaches, judges, organizers and sales people. The skaters are pushing their limits on the ice, making new friends, trading pins, and having fun.

It is a great experience for the competitors, to find out where they can do well, sometimes better than hoped, other times less than expected, or just different. Coming out onto the ice, where the entire rink is waiting just for you, is an exhilarating experience, and I see it over and over here, albeit through my own eyes of a spectator.

My own experience is of stepping out on a stage to perform with my sax. Every time it is a great moment, with both potential, expectation and vulnerability throbbing through my system. Until I let the music take over and lead its own life.

Competitive events and performances help me see myself in a different way. A close friend has discovered new dimensions in art expression by submitting art work for weekly collage and poetry challenges. I believe there is more for me to discover as well, and for everyone else too. The youngest competitor here is 3 and the oldest 81. Watching both, I saw a similar spark in their eyes. The opportunity to demonstrate their skills. The promise of reaching out to a new experience. The courage to step out and glide to stardom of the moment.

Embracing risk

My writing period is now. I need writing periods, wherever I am and whatever I do. Not writing would be my biggest mistake. Writing is a big mistake too, in a way, because it makes me do what I fear most. Is that a mistake? I call it so, because the safe road of correct action will not bring out my potential. I read that Ralph Waldo Emerson’s aunt Mary advised him to “always do what you are afraid to do”. I take that advice too. Change is natural, and change is needed to grow. But it is easy for me to be afraid of making changes. Gail Sher wrote that the risks of not making changes are even greater. I risk missing my life. I will not take that risk. So I write and keep writing. I change and I keep changing. I embrace these.

Whose team?

It is marvelous to become part of a sports team representing a country.

It is even more special if the team is not from your country. My daughter and I happily joined the Philippine SM MegaMall team at the ISI Recreational Worlds Recreational Team Championship for ice skating in Boston. She as skater, and I as driver.

Being in the company of Filipinos is very enjoyable. I find them warm, kind, polite, energetic, creative, humorous and more. I have enjoyed living there for 14 years now. It seems like only yesterday that I arrived… :-)

Happy now

This is the third of my triplet on happiness.

I found that there is only one time I can be happy, and that is the present moment, Now.

It is so much easier to be happy now. Now is open, and fairly simple.

I experience no pressure in the Now, no trouble. My future and past hold many things, memories, expectations, pleasure, guilt, and more.

The present is wide open to my choice. I can do what I want. I choose to be happy.


Photograph: Street poster, Singapore

Happy content

I experience happiness as something that affects how I feel and what I do. It warms me, and it focuses my activities. It also reduces my need for things, external things and people. It helps me share.

When I don’t feel like “doing” a lot, I can experience happiness at a deeper, quiet level as contentment. It’s purely at the level of Being, without action. It’s almost like feeling boneless, of pure relaxation, in the words of a friend. It’s like the first and the last Great Place.

For me, happiness is inward and outward. It rises from inside, connects to others and to what I do, and I find my need for “having” becomes less.

Contentment for me is purely at the level of Being. There is no action, there is the absence of action. There is great presence, and no need.

I found that happiness and contentment are always there, I can “go there” anytime I want.

Photograph: Singapore Art Museum Fiction@Love

Happy smile

Being happy is a decision. Everyone looks for happiness, and the harder I look, the more difficult it is to find. For me, being happy has everything to do with myself, with what I want and decide.

I also know how to get help, by smiling! People think that smiling is the result of being happy. I found that smiling is also my trigger to happiness. It unlocks the happiness that is already inside me. In Dao, smiling unblocks my inner pathways, connects my own dots better. And then I find that I don’t need those external dots so much. I have enough within myself.

My experience of happiness is deeper when my smile is connected to my heart. Smiling from face to heart, it becomes an inner smile. Here is what I do when I have a few minutes:

I think of a person or situation I love, really like
I focus on that experience, and hold the image in front of my closed eyes
I smile, it’s easy, I just let the corners of my mouth rise
Then I let the image move down to my heart
I let my heart glow with the pleasure of the experience
I feel my heart grow bigger, and bright red in color, smiling
My smiling heart is now connected to my smiling face
I feel warm, contented, happy
I wish to share the happiness, from inside out
…


Photograph: Singapore Art Museum Fiction@Love

Inside out

Most of my writing on this blog has been focused on spiritual growing. I wondered last night if I should continue to write that way. You see, I don’t plan what to write. I create space and time to write, a session to look forward to. Once in front of the keyboard, I write what comes to me… I like it that way. No intention, I want to be like a bamboo, catching the breeze. Who knows from what side it blows today. Surely, I will find out.

My writing is inside out. I think it is a phase I am in, it is what confronts me, what grows in me at the moment. I can’t help it. I read other people’s blogs and many are colorful and fascinating tales of the world around them. There is more focus on the outside. For me, the best things in life now come to me from the inside. Or it is inner awareness that helps me be more open, to connect better.

I see beauty and significance in new things. The past few days my faithful partner, my new Fujifilm FinePix F30 camera helped me to capture images of art. Hotel lobbies are nice places to find interesting artwork. Even elevator walls, go look at those in the Intercontinental Hotel in Bangkok!

I often noticed that technology has quirks, but the advance in digital photography is amazing. This week I forgot to take all my cables to charge and transfer pictures from my camera. But the battery is so powerful, it can shoot more than 500 shots on a single charge. So my only constraint is that I cannot upload the pictures yet, have to wait until I get home later today. Anyway, I write my posts in my notebook, and transfer them later to Blogger.


Sunday afternoon 9 July, Bangkok airport

Angels show

I’m sitting in the stylish and modern Thai airways lounge in Bangkok, waiting for my flight. I thought I would be on the morning flight to Manila, but it turned out that I was booked on the afternoon flight. I didn’t look carefully, and the flight was full.

I had the chance to observe the goings on at the standby counter today, and see polite and agitated people gather to try and make their connections work. A particularly agitated man from China who was bumped off a flight because of overbooking said that money was not the problem, but his wife and kids would be waiting at the airport. We are so connected these days. Actually he could get them on the phone and explain the situation. Problem solved. Other people patiently waited for their arrangements to fly out of the City of Angels. Some were resting on the floor. Golfers wheeled their trolleys laden with golf bags. Saffron-clad monks stood quietly observing the whirling froth of humanity.

Points of departure and arrival are always interesting to observe, and today I have the time. Arrivals are of course different, and generally joyful, as the film Love Actually showed us. The departure area has a rushed atmosphere of urgency. People in front of me were arguing with airport staff to use the Thai Airways’ convenient fast-track channel, for which they didn’t have the right ticket to do so. I also get in a rush sometimes, and today I was looking in a mirror of humanity. Calm and smiling is best. Isn’t that what Angels show us?

Sunday morning 9 July, Bangkok airport

Refresh

It’s still June, but only just. Where did the time go since my last blog. I wrote long hand in my journal, but not enough. Now I am back, with renewed interest and zest to write.

I’m taking a break in Asia’s lion city, and Singapore welcomes me in a way it hasn’t done before. I used to come here on stopovers, but in this visit I have time to experience it better. I like the skies, the green, the cleanliness, the spaces, the old and new. People seem full of urge to do their activity quickly and purposefully. Loitering or slowing down seems inappropriate, unless it is done in a designated place of leisure. Business displays a keen spirit and good quality, with great variety, and lots of expression and creativity in the advertising and decoration. That appeals to me.

I gained an extra eye to see this all. I bought a Finepix F30, the newly released low-light capturing marvel released by Fujifilm this month. It encourages me to see the world around me in new shapes and colors and composition. It offers me a new form of artful expression, and I want to explore my creativity with it. It’s my new companion, and I am very happy with it. Its low-light pictures are simply amazing.

Yesterday I was drenched in heat. Singapore is humid, and I had all opportunity to celebrate it. Avoiding airconditioned places as much as possible, I went through a cycle of alternating wetting and drying in the hot air which enveloped me like a mother, a universe, a cocoon. I resisted my urge for cool, and surrendered myself to the heat and perspiration, and found a new side of myself, enjoying patient exploring with an open mind. Through the heat, I refreshed, and experienced renewal.

A full day of art and creativity, interspersed with nice food and warm feelings. I realize that there is nothing that I can create that is not already there. I found that I can share in it, and share it with another.

Writing is lonely

Writing is lonely, because I have to do it. I have to show up every time, support or no support. But I experience so much help, especially from Gail Sher’s book (see my first post Deciding to Write). In the last few days, I learned more valuable lessons, like dedicating your writing before and after, to let go of it. She says that “Waves of the Sea belong to the Sea.” How true, in terms of creative work. I also experienced the truth in her advice to write with a straight back, since it improves energy flow. I really feel privileged that I got hold of her book.

Today I attended a school rehearsal for a Broadway musicals show. And I was promptly asked to contribute with a sax solo. The Universe caught me, and I was happy about it. I need a kick to get me back to playing music again, and today I realized how much creative energy has been locked up inside. So I spent time checking Broadway songs that could be articulated by sax, and I finally decided on With One Look, from the musical Sunset Boulevard. If the organizers accept it, I will start practicing right away, since the performance is on 24 June.

Writing is now rejuvenating and empowering me, and I want some extra bubbles in that mixture. Music may just be what I need to open up some more.

Photograph: Writing at the foot of the Pyramid of the Sun, Teotihuacan, Mexico.

Figuring out what matters most

While waiting in the garage supervisor’s office this morning for my car to be repaired, I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. I decided to focus on priorities in my life and work, and in the process rediscovered some things that help me on the way.

Photograph: Hue of the City - painting from Ubud, Bali. I love this painting very much.

Things I want most in my life

1. Doing creative things from a spiritual base
2. Advising others ahead with big-picture steps in my area of work
3. Being a life coach (for friends and through writing)
4. Providing good support to my kids (love, advice, and money)
5. Having a network of friends and a loving partner/soulmate (buyers)

And a few more

1. Living as Zorba the Buddha
2. Living actively and passionately
3. Keeping healthy
4. Seeing new places, shaking me up
5. Living in Asia, for sure
6. Music, play, listen, share, do together
7. Be affluent enough to support these
8. Make money work for good purposes and multiply
9. Invest in myself first, with love and care, and with much giving
10. Be whole, balanced, growing daily, in the Tao.

Now how can I start applying the Pareto principle of 80/20 to find the ones that matter most, that I should concentrate on to enrich my life? I cleared my mind, reflected, and let my inner voice speak out of stillness. I am happy with what came out:

Priorities for my Life

1. Cultivate strength and creativity. Spend holy time every day. Connect and listen to my inner voice. Exercise. Meditate. Light a candle.

2. Show up and write. Have a writing period every day, for journal and/or blog. Write more on every occasion, for life and work. Focus on improving my writing. Use opportunities to publish as often as possible.

3. Make money grow. Value money more. Reduce spending. Save consistently. Invest carefully. Enjoy investing in valuable things. Go for quality over quantity.

4. Connect with people. Reach out more. Don’t be by myself too much (leads to negativity). Build good connections, friendships. Focus on giving and receiving. Build partnerships. Enjoy meeting people, even when tired.

5. Show and enjoy love. Connect with the Universe and other people so that love can circulate, and grow in me. Cultivate and show positive spirit. Enjoy receiving love appropriately. Build a buyer’s love relationship with someone special.

Priorities for my Work

1. Prioritize and complete. Writing down objectives and tasks clearly and review daily, focus on good planning, position and strength.

2. Develop knowledge. Focusing on knowledge contributions: large (thesis) and small, and delegated ones, and link with my knowledge management colleague more.

3. Mobilize funds. Expand the fund for my area of work to allow more to happen, keep enough control for my own activities to be financed, and delegate the rest.

4. Engage and delegate. Delegate by engaging more and better people, a pool of specialists, good networks, and let them do the work.

5. Lead positively. Start and do everything with positive spirit, kindness, and focus on growth and solutions.

Healthy things that help me

1. Standing up for myself. Advertise strengths, be assertive confidently and positively.

2. Traveling regularly. Enjoy travel and create nice spaces and moments everywhere.

3. Starting something new. Reach out, be stimulated, and leave the old behind.

4. Expanding and delegating. Always let things multiply but not weigh me down.

5. Making things happen. Doing lots of things without owning, maintaining privacy.

6. Live the present moment. Make the best of every moment, enjoy the power of Now.

7. Laugh and smile a lot. Let happiness make the world a better place for me and others.

8. Drink water often. Use the wonder medicine to keep life’s fountain flowing.

Reading back, I realize how human I am. Many of these might apply to other people as well. That is good news to me. I can learn from others, read more books and blogs. But setting personal priorities is key to getting results, in life and in work. I got a good deal closer to that this morning.

From Low to Zero and other Lessons

These past days I learned several lessons.

What particularly touched me were the sunrays when I wrote my journal in the early morning, before going to work. Once you become aware of that, how could any morning go wrong? Even so, good and bad live side by side. This is the nature of our world. I feel so lucky when I realize the positive sides. Beautiful morning sunrays can work wonders for me.

My work and life always get cluttered. Papers, unfinished activities, unaccomplished goals, they bring pressure and stress. For me, to be creative I need a clean space. I can do great things and write them down as well, in a small but uncluttered space. My lesson is to create such space, uncluttered, undivided, clean. I started with cleaning my office, and it’s so refreshing. Energy flows much better. But, of course, paper quickly mounts, and I need better systems and habits to get through them and get rid of them.

I believe in energy. Everything in and around us is a form of energy. Some more solid than others. I always have too much to do, and Toby’s book (see earlier post on eating the frog) showed me how important it is to select the task that matters most, and then get on with doing and completing it. Toby says that “a goal or decision without deadline has no urgency in it.” And a goal without writing it down has no energy behind it. I found the truth in this from practicing it. Too many things to do weighs me down (bad energy). But doing a priority task consciously has its own energy, it’s interesting to observe. Once started with good effort, it develops an energy of its own.

Today, and since last night, I was in a low mood. My mind seemed focused on problems, on things that are not right. Normally I can get out of a low mood easily once I realize that what’s bothering me is just a low mood. Awareness is key, it allows me to take distance from it. I realize that the low mood is not me, it just affects me, and perhaps I’m creating thoughts that feed that mood so it stays with me longer. However, today I couldn’t get rid of the mood as easily as in other days. Even the sunrays on my table in the morning did not help me much. Then I realized that I could at least go from negative to zero. To drop negativity and be satisfied with no-thingness. So I did – I dropped negativity and “moved” to zero, to the absence of positivity and negativity. A good friend calls this “being flat”.

Negativity and positivity are both around me, it’s part of our natural conditions. When I tap into negativity, a low mood easily develops. Mostly I am positive, and I love tapping into that. Today it was difficult. But with awareness I could drop my attachment, my link to negativity. So I ploughed through the day in a “flat” mode, feeling “zero”, and being satisfied with that, by and large. For Zen practitioners, zero is an important place, Zero, the result of wiping our slate clean. Something we can do often and deliberately. Clear the space. Wipe the sticky residue of life of our soul. Just start again, every day, every morning, and many moments in the day, as many as I want.

Today was a day when I appreciated any help I could get to get my own dots better connected. No red wine available, until now late at night when I write this, looking back on the day. I like to be connected to others. But sometimes, I have to be satisfied just finding the connections within me. That was today for me. And I could still smile, partly because of that clown in the morning sun.

Orange in a Bowl

I miss writing tremendously. I can say that I feel sick from the lack of writing. It dawns on me that this is one illness that I don’t mind not recovering from. I don’t feel complete, because I have not followed through on my commitment to find time to write every day. Yet I don’t know what I am going to write. Just that the pressure has built up so much. After a busy day, it is so good to find peace and quiet to write, and that glass of red wine helps! Today three things came to me…

This morning, I realized that all the seeing, feeling, and experiencing things outside myself is actually an illusion, and illusion that is unavoidable when we use language, as Eckhart Tolle explains in Stillness Speaks. In truth, he says, we are not someone who sees, feels, thinks, or experiences, “but we are the awareness or consciousness in and by which those things appear.” Now I realize that seeking to know myself is a folly. We are, and I am that consciousness. All is whole in me. In Tolle’s words, there is nothing to know beyond that, and yet all knowing arises from it. He says “when you know who you truly are, there is an abiding sense of peace. You could call it joy, because that is what joy is: vibrantly alive peace. It is the joy of knowing yourself as the very life essence before life takes form. That is the joy of Being -- of being who you truly are.” I like that peace, that joy. I felt it today. When I reflect that everything I experience arises from me, from my source, life is a consequence, rather than something that leads me, excites me, or weighs on me from the outside. The key lies inside me.

A few days ago I had the good fortune to receive a beautiful photograph, printed by ink jet and framed nicely. I call it Bowl and Shard, and they are Chinese. The photograph was taken by my friend LF during a visit to Malaysia. The colors are vibrant, better than on the picture. I reflected that my life feels like a bowl, one that collects old and new things, occasionally gets cleaned, and I “eat” from it everyday. My bowl is deep blue, because my soul has great depth, so much so that I haven’t seen the bottom yet after almost half a century. So what is that orange shard doing there, what does it mean? Is it a symbol? Should I call Dr. Robert Langdon for advice on the meaning of this, for the code to decipher it? No, no need I think. My inner voice works just fine. I just have to listen to it more, and more attentively. Now, it tells me that something bright, yet damaged, has been placed in my bowl, in my life, as a temporary haven. It is a place for healing what is damaged. And the deep blue bowl also benefits from the bright orange, it needs that “kick”. By itself, it is deeply Yin, it needs the infusion of vibrancy to rise from lethargy.

Talking of orange, I took leave from work today and watched a skating event where my daughter received several medals. It was a joy to see her swirl in her first ever competition, so graceful and courageously moving forward. I am so happy for her, and I benefited as well, from watching and enjoying. And again it is the color orange that comes to mind. Orange does not blend easily with other colors. It stands out by itself. It doesn’t need any other color, really. It speaks of the sun, of energy, of vibrancy, of joyfulness. Not stationary, but always moving. It is truly a color of Life, perhaps that is why Buddhist monks also wear orange, because it symbolizes life and the way it should be lived. That brings me back to myself, to Me, to all that is within, which is my source of life. What I experienced outside arises from the consciousness within. I don’t really need anything from anybody, I am content to live my life, and to know that all I need is in Me, a deep blue bowl.

Concentrating on Frog

Back to Brian Tracy’s Eat that Frog. He quotes Galileo as having said that we cannot teach a person anything he does not already know; you can only bring what he knows to his awareness. I had a dose of this yesterday (no posting) and today, when I was reminded of the importance of concentrating single-mindedly on my most important task, to do it well, and to finish it completely. Tracy says I need to select the most important task every morning, the one that is most important, can have the most positive impact on my life, and that I am most likely to procrastinate on. Eat that frog! When there are two, choose the ugliest one…

I have read many books about time management and prioritizing work over the years, because I know this is important. And yet, when I read Tracy’s book, it resonated in me, and stimulated me to act on it. I realized that I already “know” everything that he writes about. But what good is knowledge if it is not put into action? My knowledge about time management had become dormant, and therefore useless, or dead.

Learning is about bringing what we instinctively already know into the open, into our consciousness, so that we can act. Acting is doing and completing (thank you, Brian Tracy). When I learn the “right” thing, it resonates in me. So learning is about resonating, so that it can become part of the present moment, to do it, to apply it. Eat that Frog teaches me to focus, concentrate on the essential things to do, and to complete them. I like the daily aspect of this. If a task will take more than one day, I want to break it down into parts and complete the part for each day, while being mindful of the whole.

I could practice this yesterday, and I found in my work what was the most essential, and I’m now working to complete it. I realize that paying undivided attention to the task will increase the quality of my work. Today I didn’t work but focused on activities I really wanted to do and complete. Like buying a bag for my work, which would have nice space for my notebook computer. I realized I need to pay more respect to my notebook computer by ensuring it is well cared for and carefully stowed when I carry it from office to home and when I travel. So I concentrated on finding a suitable bag, with a style that I like. And I did, and even got a free sleeve bag with it for protecting the notebook when I put it in my backpack during weekend use, just what I had been looking for.

I also focused more on finding a suitable compact digital camera to upgrade from my aging Sony DSC-P43 model. And I was successful when I saw the new Canon Ixus 800 IS, which immediately attracted me. Reading the first CNET review on the web this evening confirmed that this is the right choice for me, and I will buy it soon. Now I look forward to read more of Tracy’s book, since all I did so far was read the introduction, and applying that already generated good impact on my life these past two days.

Seeking or Being

Eckhart Tolle spoke to me today through his book Stillness Speaks that if I see myself as a seeker, I can expect to find self-realization only in the future. The amazing truth that Tolle shares with me is that I don’t have to seek, but just to discover Being.

If I think that I need time to find out who I am – a central paradigm for seekers – then that is exactly what will happen, it will take me time. Eckhart’s wisdom helps me to understand that the only place where I can truly find myself is in the Now, the present moment. There is no need to travel anywhere or wait for wisdom to come at some future time. What a relief!

But I’m still challenged (the mind will always find something to do that). It seems not easy to be and stay in the Now. Entering into the Now is not difficult for me, as long as I am mindful and aware of my situation. To enter Now, I drop all my concerns, return to stillness, let awareness arise, smile, and enter into Being. It takes only seconds.

Once there, however, the mind immediately fires broadsides at me to get me out of the Now. And it seems that Now itself is on the move continuously. Or is it me who moves? Being in the Now needs moment-to-moment awareness. The idea of staying in the Now makes no sense to me anymore.

So I just focus on being, on Being, like in a moving river, to be in it, and to be moved all the time by its changing currents. It reminds me of being like a strong bamboo, firm, yet flexibly bending with the winds, rarely still.

Early this morning I made this my task for the day, to be in the Now, with mindfulness. Ready to be moved by rivers, but not moving much myself, because I realize that Now is where all exists, all happens. Living outside the Now is to live in the past, in history, which is good for viewing and reminiscing, but not good enough for living because there is no more space to create. Or it is to live in the future, which is an illusion that is always at least a day away.

It takes me until evening to remember what I had set out to do in the morning - it is so easily forgotten. Practice makes perfect, and it is clear that I have a long way to go. And then the dots connect, and I realize that Being is better than Seeking.

Photograph: I want a clear, not blurred focus on Being in the Now, and to forget about time.

Focus and listen

I am happy with my blogging progress. I could add Site Meter, and Cbox to my blog. And I changed the settings to allow all readers to send comments. I hope it works! Today was a traveling day for me. I flew home to Manila from Jakarta. When traveling, I observe things I would not normally see. If I am awake and aware, that is. I changed planes in Singapore’s Changi airport, and browsed in two shops. In both shops, the attendants were keenly focused on helping me to make a choice.

From observing them, I learned how important, and how possible it is to concentrate on a task, on doing it in the Now. Not to allow distractions, and make sure to complete the task as best as possible. In neither case, by the way, did I buy what they offered. I was considering to buy a nice office bag in the second shop, black leather with spacious compartments for just about everything, including my notebook computer. The sales attendant did a good job in recommending me to buy it. She can be proud of how she did it, even though it did not lead to a sale.

For me, I try not to rush into buying things these days. I observe what wants to be bought by me. It is a new experience, and it is enjoyable. I see a lot of things that I could buy, but I also realize I already have so much. My need is actually not great. So I have come to practice “listening” to the product, or to my intuition about it. If I really need it and it’s the right thing for me to buy it, my intuition will tell me so. In today's case, I enjoyed watching the items and examining them, but I was not convinced they were the right ones to buy, so I did not.

Being born under the Pisces sign, you could say that I am probably indecisive. And you would be right. Making decisions is not my strong point. I always see so many sides to a question, so many choices, and my feelings are important to me in reaching a conclusion. That is why I welcome all the help I can get to improve my decision-making. A few days ago I bought a book Eat that Frog! by Brian Tracy, with 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time. For me, decision-making and procrastination are linked. I consider myself a champion procrastinator, and I am not happy with that. Now I committed myself to read this book, and to do what it says (more about this later).

I also realized that the greatest supporter and resource to help me make more and better decisions is Me. There is a voice in me that can guide me. My Inner Voice (IV), my intuition. I find it a very rewarding experience to listen to my IV. And today it told me not to buy what I was looking at, to just enjoy browsing it, and keep the option open for later. It was the right thing to do.

Listening to my IV is like paying close attention to myself. I could see the example of the sales attendant apply to myself in this way. It is good to focus on myself more, and to listen to my intuition, my IV. Not to respond to so many distractions, but to pay more attention to what is really important for me. To give it undivided attention. I wrote about this in my journal, which I do in long hand, with my beautiful burgundy Mont Blanc pen.

I love writing, both in the computer, as well as in long hand. Both have their attractions. Typing on my keyboard is fast, and allows lots of editing. On the other hand, writing in long hand gives me the sensation of flow, of the need to get it right in one go, of physical contact with the paper, and of the use of a beautiful writing instrument. Not for nothing is this pen called Meisterstűck (masterpiece).

Photograph: my journal and pen.

Deciding to Write

I decided today to become a writer. To devote regular time every day to writing. To be consistent in this practice. Not knowing in advance what I will end up with. To let writing flow. To let go of the river bank, and slide into the flow. To stick with it, to plod on. To be satisfied with it.

Gail Sher inspired me to take this huge step in her book One Continuous Mistake - Four Noble Truths for Writers. I have a beginner's mind about this decision, about practising. I know that writing is for me. I know that I get satisfaction from it, that in the process I become smaller, and the content greater. It's like a prayer, I start by realizing how small I am, and I let go of anything, to grow.

Today I am reminded of the importance of being positive. Why should we be otherwise? People seem to have many reasons for not being positive. Even when being positive, it may not always come across that way to others. Mindfulness helps. To be aware, of my own posture, poise, words. I really don't want to be anything else but positive. Is it boring? Isn't good and evil always with me? Sure, evil is with me, like a bag I carry slung on my shoulder, like the shadow that follows me. So isn't it natural to be negative sometimes? Probably, but I don't feel that way.

Certainly I feel low sometimes, even regularly. But I noticed that being positive is central to me now, and it seems to have taken root in me, sprouted branches and leaves. It feels nice, and just right. I can feel empty, sure, but usually I experience it positively. I am really happy with this, I love to create positive atmosphere, or just enjoy it without creating anything at all. I become aware that being positive is always there.

Like my Dao teacher said, we're all swimming in a pool of Chi, but we've closed ourselves to it. Energy is all around us, but we try to do everything by ourselves, without tapping into that vast resource. Life isn't really about creating many things, but by opening myself to it. Life is actually me. It's not something separate from me.

This is enough for me, to be able to open myself. Then to flow. To outflow to others, especially my loved ones. And to experience inflow, everything, but only focus on, and appreciate the good. Observe other things too, observe anything, and just drop what is not positive. Take note, and let it pass. Rejoice when something positive happens. And be awake to let positive things happen, every moment.

I am happy with this first posting, that it is about being positive. I love it. It's a good start of my writing practice. Live to be positive at heart...