Orange in a Bowl

I miss writing tremendously. I can say that I feel sick from the lack of writing. It dawns on me that this is one illness that I don’t mind not recovering from. I don’t feel complete, because I have not followed through on my commitment to find time to write every day. Yet I don’t know what I am going to write. Just that the pressure has built up so much. After a busy day, it is so good to find peace and quiet to write, and that glass of red wine helps! Today three things came to me…

This morning, I realized that all the seeing, feeling, and experiencing things outside myself is actually an illusion, and illusion that is unavoidable when we use language, as Eckhart Tolle explains in Stillness Speaks. In truth, he says, we are not someone who sees, feels, thinks, or experiences, “but we are the awareness or consciousness in and by which those things appear.” Now I realize that seeking to know myself is a folly. We are, and I am that consciousness. All is whole in me. In Tolle’s words, there is nothing to know beyond that, and yet all knowing arises from it. He says “when you know who you truly are, there is an abiding sense of peace. You could call it joy, because that is what joy is: vibrantly alive peace. It is the joy of knowing yourself as the very life essence before life takes form. That is the joy of Being -- of being who you truly are.” I like that peace, that joy. I felt it today. When I reflect that everything I experience arises from me, from my source, life is a consequence, rather than something that leads me, excites me, or weighs on me from the outside. The key lies inside me.

A few days ago I had the good fortune to receive a beautiful photograph, printed by ink jet and framed nicely. I call it Bowl and Shard, and they are Chinese. The photograph was taken by my friend LF during a visit to Malaysia. The colors are vibrant, better than on the picture. I reflected that my life feels like a bowl, one that collects old and new things, occasionally gets cleaned, and I “eat” from it everyday. My bowl is deep blue, because my soul has great depth, so much so that I haven’t seen the bottom yet after almost half a century. So what is that orange shard doing there, what does it mean? Is it a symbol? Should I call Dr. Robert Langdon for advice on the meaning of this, for the code to decipher it? No, no need I think. My inner voice works just fine. I just have to listen to it more, and more attentively. Now, it tells me that something bright, yet damaged, has been placed in my bowl, in my life, as a temporary haven. It is a place for healing what is damaged. And the deep blue bowl also benefits from the bright orange, it needs that “kick”. By itself, it is deeply Yin, it needs the infusion of vibrancy to rise from lethargy.

Talking of orange, I took leave from work today and watched a skating event where my daughter received several medals. It was a joy to see her swirl in her first ever competition, so graceful and courageously moving forward. I am so happy for her, and I benefited as well, from watching and enjoying. And again it is the color orange that comes to mind. Orange does not blend easily with other colors. It stands out by itself. It doesn’t need any other color, really. It speaks of the sun, of energy, of vibrancy, of joyfulness. Not stationary, but always moving. It is truly a color of Life, perhaps that is why Buddhist monks also wear orange, because it symbolizes life and the way it should be lived. That brings me back to myself, to Me, to all that is within, which is my source of life. What I experienced outside arises from the consciousness within. I don’t really need anything from anybody, I am content to live my life, and to know that all I need is in Me, a deep blue bowl.