Shake the tree

“If the whole world praises him, he is not elated. If the whole world condemns him, he is not beaten. In a word, praise and blame cannot change his conduct. Such a man possesses true virtue. As for myself, I am still among those who are influenced by the opinions of others, like the wind moves the waves.”
- Chuang-tzu


I regularly rediscover the need to keep some distance from my likes and dislikes. When I get too close, confusion easily arises about what is the right and wrong course of action, and with emotions mixed in I can no longer see my path clearly.

From a human point of view, stepping back from praise or condemnation is neither logical nor easy. Attaching and engaging in such emotions with like or dislike comes more naturally to me.

During the past weeks I found myself focusing on the practice of giving. I gave special attention to my kids as we spent our holiday together. And I realized the need to give up on attachments that could actually block my way forward. I made a point of surrendering to situations I found myself in, without judgment or hasty conclusions.

Just giving, to take time to pay attention to the other’s needs. My holiday was a good reminder to practice this talent. Or giving back, to those who have generously shared with me from their material treasures or valuable experience.

Giving over, handing responsibility to someone close rather than holding on regardless of what might happen. Giving away, to share treasures with our loved ones. I saw my parents, who are no longer able to go out shopping, give their grandchildren presents from their personal trove of valuables collected over decades, including heirlooms.

Giving up, on ambition but never on my dreams. This is a difficult thing to do, but it can work miracles when it comes to making space for something new that is better suited to my needs. It is a matter of believing that the road ahead can indeed lead to riches. The solution and reward often lie “just around the river bend.”

Giving in, to avoid unproductive arguments with a smile and stay the course flexibly when dealing with all kinds of people around me. On a larger scale, I pondered on surrendering the second game of my life’s match to the universe after battling hard to win the first game through personal effort.

“Correction is regeneration,” said Chuang Tzu. I may need to give up on something today for something better to come my way tomorrow. Once I have figured this out, giving will become a more natural thing to do.

As I left the compound of the D’Omah ("at home") bungalows in Ubud, Bali in the early morning to start the return journey to the Philippines, the receptionist walked over to a frangipani tree and shook it, causing a shower of freshly fragrant flowers to land on my outstretched hands. One shake was all it took when you know that the place from which you give is rich.

Photograph: Giving a silver pill box from generations ago.