Unfolding powers

"The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers."

Erich Fromm

"Art is beauty plus pity."

Vladimir Nabokov


I have known for some time that wisdom grows when I entertain doubt, uncertainty and confusion. When I am filled with knowledge and certainty, there is simply no space left to gain new insights and see the dots in the universe around me connecting. Being uncertain opens me up to question, to search for meaning, as Erich Fromm said.

In a cyclical process, I find that I can move forward after I question, search, listen, and see dots connecting. And then it is time to start all over again. Yesterday’s wisdom is rarely adequate to start the new day. It’s an attitude of continuous questioning that helps me. Cultivating a beginner’s mind, said Shunryu Suzuki, the wise Zen teacher in San Francisco.

In another way, however, I find that uncertainty works the opposite for me. It blocks me from what I want to do. I end up feeling powerless when I cannot decide, and uncertainty makes it easier for me to procrastinate. When I end up with inaction, I feel trapped doing little where I should have done a lot.

In the past days, I have struggled to act on my intention to get up an hour earlier, just before the crack of dawn. It is proving to be a great challenge. There is something that has blocked me so far, and with each sounding of the alarm, I end up snoozing it again in my uncertainty about getting up. This puzzles me, and I have yet to see my powers unfolding to deal with this straightforward challenge. I have already reflected that I need to be fired up with passion to adopt the new habit.

For me, passion means that I don’t want to miss out on something I treasure. In the past I felt passionate about playing golf and I did not mind getting up early for that. Nowadays I count myself lucky to be passionate for my work, and I have no trouble getting up early to get to the airport in time for an early flight. And of course passion for my significant other could also make me do new and unusual things.

It dawns on me that my solution lies in being aware and making choices. My grand intentions will get realized step by step. Like art holds beauty and pity, each of my moments holds a promise of both action and inaction, which live side by side. I can find inspiration in the words of other life travelers, and emulate their steps, as I need all the inspiration I can find.

The big picture around me is always changing, like clouds in the sky. Every day needs a new start, as I untangle the challenges of uncertainty and my snoozing alarm.

Photograph: Untangling a web, at Métissages, A Crossbreeding of Contemporary Art and Textiles, exhibition in the National Museum, Jakarta.

Sprinkling stardust

When Victoria opened the cloth placed in her hand there was only dust, not the star she had asked her boyfriend to bring her as proof of his love.

To find the star, Tristan had passed through the opening in the village wall into the unseen world where extraordinary magic was the staple food of everyday life.

When he came back to his girlfriend to set her free of their earlier vow, he was a changed man. He had fallen in love with a true star.

The movie kept my daughter’s eyes glued to the screen while she munched her popcorn quietly.

Crossing the walls between us and magic is easy to do for children, and for the boy in me, if only I allow myself to explore that realm on a daily basis.

The stories I bring back seem like dust, but through my own tranformation, I can sprinkle magical stardust whenever I like.

Photograph: From tears to art, at Métissages, A Crossbreeding of Contemporary Art and Textiles, exhibition in the National Museum, Jakarta.

Not what it seems

I liked the apartment, which had been renovated with cool furnishings that created a zen-like atmosphere. The broker said she knew the owner … and later I heard from another broker that it was her own apartment.

I was also shown several other attractive places … and it turned out that they had been taken already.

The soy cappuccino was frothy and smooth to the taste. The Starbucks barista had smiled like there was no tomorrow… and I had to repeat my order three times … and I received way too much change … and my friend was served a drink he hadn’t ordered.

Reality is different for each one of us, and everyone interprets it in their own way. And besides, the more I think I know reality, I realize that I don’t.

On that day that everything turned out differently, I felt as if I could see the world around me with new eyes … and that was probably an illusion too. But I felt lucky anyway.

Photograph: Unusual blouse at Métissages, A Crossbreeding of Contemporary Art and Textiles, exhibition in the National Museum, Jakarta.

Half step forward, a civilized stride

It was still early morning when I entered the restroom in the brand new airport of Jinan in China’s Shandong Province. I had arrived at 6 am to catch the 8 am flight to Hong Kong and found the airport still closed. For the first time in my life I saw an airport’s morning ritual of staff and travelers arriving and counters opening.

By 7 am I was through check-in and immigration, and found a coffee shop where I enjoyed a cup of “Minded Coffee”. It helped me with waking up. And then, when I visited the restroom before boarding, I saw another example of unusual English usage that broadened my horizon. "To preceding half step A civilized stride". The meaning was clear enough, even if the English was not. A half step forward goes a long way in maintaining cleanliness in that public place, so it is a step forward for civilization.

And as I did what was requested, it occurred to me that taking a half step forward can make a difference in other situations too. For me, it is often challenging to take that first small step to get me going in my journey to improve “civilization” in myself and my surroundings. The same challenge, time after time.

Photographs: Coffee (top) and restroom request (bottom) at Jinan international airport, Shandong Province, China.